For where you lack

The butterflies came back, more than butterflies, I think wasps have found a home inside my stomach: that kind of not sleeping, worrying, deep fear, and uncertainty. It's time like these that I want to run so far, so fast. I want to grab a guy and never let go. I want to be surrounded by blankets and people and soft music telling me "that it's going to be ok".

I don't feel ok. Life is not always ok. It's not promises and bows. And I can't drag my besties with me to my first day of work. I have to fight my own battles. I have to fight my own fears. We all do.

I remember this feeling all too well- flashbacks from 2 years ago- nursing school. Night before clinicals: not being able to sleep, just dreading what would come. I remember Peru- being forced to look my fears in the face and choose to fight.

And I remember what God did then. I remember that He was with me; I remember that He gave me strength. I remember that He covered my weaknesses. And that these times made our relationship stronger; more steadfast; more Father-daughter, Savior- saved.

Friends, we are all not enough. We are all lacking. And we will come to times in our life when we feel like this world is too scary for us, too big for us. Whether we have fallen in the mud, or are looking at a battle up ahead, trembling because we don't feel ready...

Somehow no matter how much we prepare, how much we practice, what we say, and how we pretend: the reality is we come up short. We lack. We fail. We fall. We hurt.

But friends, we have a safety for the battle. We have a "get out" when the war zone has destructed our suroundings. We have a Savior. And where I lack, His grace is stronger.

I don't know what battle you are facing in your life. I don't know where your coming up short. I don't know how you feel when nobody is watching, what you say and do- the things you are ashamed of.

But in my darkest nights, when I was running- I ran into Him. I saw my Savior clearer in my struggles than my most prosperous days. I can look back at the story of my life and truly say that Jesus was the reason why I am here and that I love Jesus because He saved my life.

And He can't save you when your playing "little miss independent". He can't save you when you have it all together. He came to seek and save the lost. And friends, we are lost. Why are we lost? Because we were born on this messy planet of sin. We need Him. I need Him.

So may you smile at the wasps, at the butterflies, because you know they will teach you faith. May you sing when your alone in the dark because you have a one-on-one date with your Savior. May you laugh at the hardships because you trust that God is coming through for you. May your souls rest in confidence because you know Him and His love for you. He has your back and He covers you where you lack.