Before you judge

Have you ever wondered why it was the prostitute that became the hero and got to help the Israelites capture Jericho?

Why her of all people? Why not the faithful few? Why did the people need a spy, a liar, not to mention a woman who sold her body for sex- to save this story.

But God used her, the prostitute. God used David, the murderer. God used the thief, the widow, the quick tempered, the doubter. And God didn't define them by their weaknesses, their sins, their lives' struggles. He saw beyond external appearance. He saw what the world couldn't see.

He saw the light in them. He saw their potential and He chose to use their faith to bring glory to His name.

It's so easy for me to judge the people around me. To say "this girls legit, this girls weak, this guy is a coward." To make assumptions and decisions based on personal appearance and impressions. And yet so often people surprise you, if you get to know them, you will find that they are not how you labeled them.

I can personally attest to being falsely judged so many times. From elementary school being thought of as the goodie good who could do no wrong, to being called defiant and rebellious, and even a hypocrite who doesn't practice what she believes. And it hurts to be judged by others- especially when people say things about you don't believe are true.

If you only knew my story...
If you could only see..
If only you asked me that question before making that assumption or believing that lie..

Maybe you would think differently. Maybe you would know who I am--

but maybe not.

For the judged, the misunderstood, the misinterpreted, Jesus sees you. For the one who was falsely accused and slandered, Jesus knows. For the one who feels like they are all alone with people around them who don't value them, Jesus cares. And for the one who's judging others, Jesus commands "In the same way you judge others, you will be judged."

He was the King of being misunderstood, being judged falsely, persecuted unjustly, unaccepted, un-cared for the way he deserved. But despite the misunderstandings and lies others told of Him, He extended abounding grace and acceptance on each person that he met.

So before you judge your neighbors today, re-encounter Jesus. Remember the Lord who sacrificed His Kingdom to come as a baby and be born in a dirty sinful world. Remember the kindness of the man who knelt in the sand with the woman who had slept with far too many men. Remember the Christ whose hands were pierced with nails- and yet spent his last breath- praying for His enemies' forgiveness.

And may we see others a little differently. May we get to know their hearts and want to hear their stories. May we pray for them and love them- even when they are different, even when they hurt us. And maybe just maybe before we judge, we will look at ourselves and remember how we have fallen too. And we will remember how the Savior picked us up and help our friends stand to meet Him. Maybe just maybe before we judge, we could think of Jesus and instead of judging, choose to be loving.

Why Do Nice People Always Get Hurt?

So yesterday I was talking to one of the nicest ladies ever. She had the most kind, compassionate heart. And yet after she listened to me talk for a while I asked her to tell me about her life, and she shared with me a few very painful stories. And I was shattered with surprise because I expected that this kind woman would have it all- a great family, dream job, amazing life. And yet instead I found someone who had experienced deep pain.

I see this trend again and again with nice people getting hurt. And it makes me wonder.

Why is it that nice people seem to get hurt more than the rest? Is it something about their personality that makes them weak or more at risk?

Or do people that get hurt grow in the capacity to love deeper and be kinder? So that truly some of the nicest people you meet are people that have seen some of the darkest days and grown from their struggles?

I've heard some people say that nice people tend to get hurt more because they are more trusting, they have high expectations of others and tend to be let down, they are easy to take advantage of.

On the other hand, Elizabeth Ross writes: The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." In theory nice people know how it feels to be broken, so they are more aware of not hurting others.

Another question I have to ask though is how does someone get hurt? You can only get hurt if you let someone hurt you. You can only get hurt if you trust someone. You can only get hurt if you love someone. Thus nice people demonstrate trust, demonstrate forgiveness, and love. By opening themselves up to others they risk pain and destruction. (That a mean person would never risk.)

And this can be daunting at first thought. But then as I think about it more, it makes perfect sense. It goes back to the Great Controversy. The love that Christ invested in His freedom was demonstrated by trust in us and then he gave us the power to hurt him. And He gave us that power to hurt him emotionally because He gave us Himself.

But if God wasn't "nice"; if he wasn't loving. He could have just taken away the investment in us and His care. And then He wouldn't have been vulnerable to feelings about us as His creation. Thus Jesus wouldn't have been sent from the cross and he wouldn't have been hurt, and bruised, and scorned by the people he loved over and over again.

Jesus was nice; he was loving and he got hurt. But if he didn't open up himself to getting hurt he couldn't have opened up himself to being loved and us loving him. Because love requires risk. To be loved, we have to be willing to get hurt. And we will be hurt.

God sent Jesus to this earth who modeled a life of both love and pain, kindness and hurt. He experienced the most pain possible for a human being even though he was the nicest person and he asks us to follow in His shoes. So if we dare to follow a God of love, then we dare to journey into a world of hurt. Where we will be hurt, we can be reassured, that in our most broken places we are never alone- because Jesus was hurt in the same way.

Psalm 23

The shepherd prayer is something I've heard my whole life but today as I read the first few verses, I had to stop and really wonder: What does it mean to not be in want?

To lie down in green pastures and to be led by the Lord to quiet waters?

I can stop right there because often I don't feel that's my daily experience or my life journey. I'm more an "on the move" kinda girl, running kind, climbing kind, falling off cliffs belly flop first kind. My life is fast; I have big dreams. I struggle with restlessness.

I don't know much of quiet waters or long pastures. Even though I live in Oklahoma, farming has never really been my thing ;)

So what is this psalm really about?

"Because the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me in the path of righteousness... Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil."

So here's what really struck me. Three things.

The first is God is about restoring my soul. He sees the brokenness on this earth and the hustle and bustle that often cause us anxiety and contribute to sin and distraction. He wants to quiet us down so we can get to know Him. He has to stop us sometimes; has to literally grab our hands and say hey sit down, don't just sit down, lay down, rest with me. Because resting with someone, laying down looking up at the stars or the clouds, is one of the peaceful and most intimate activities. So first off, to know God better, to walk with God clearer, we have to slow down. We have to give God that time and I think He will slowly teach us what it means to be truly content; that travel, romance, parties, adventure can never come close to the fulfillment we can find in knowing Him.

But the second thing is more profound- you might not agree but-what if this psalm is not saying that one week we are walking through the pastures, and then the waters, and then, oh no, we walk through the shadow of death. What if it's saying that every day, we are walking through the shadow of death, but walking with the Lord makes it feel like we're walking through pastures and quiet waters?

Like what if even in the shadow of death, the Lord can make us lie down, and find the quiet waters. Not even so much that God is in the business of making us slow and boring people but more that whatever our lives look like on the outside on the inside we can have that calmness and fearlessness and rest on the inside.

Third option is that we see the Lord leading us besides quiet waters, guiding us in paths of righteousness, and then we see that "I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" but that God still goes with me. So here you could say that God is constantly leading me to Beulah land, to righteous ways which will reap good fruits, to safe and good places... yet it is my own sin and selfishness that causes me to end up in the valley of death sometimes. Yet even though the valley is not where God has led me, not where the shepherd chose, the shepherd still comes. He comes seeking, comes looking and carries his sheep back from the valley of death all the way home and back to the quiet waters and green pastures.

I don't know exactly what in this passage God is speaking to you about. But it reminds us of God's character as a shepherd who loves us and wants us to dwell in beautiful places with Him. I really want to learn more what it means to rest and abide in Christ, in green pastures, quiet waters, and paths of righteousness, and maybe even when the darkness comes I will still be abiding.

Psalm 27:4 One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

First Week of Night Shift

I'm beyond thankful that I survived 3 nights in a row- and my first nights as a nurse in training at the children's hospital. I'm definitely exhausted today- but my heart is so full with the love and mercy of knowing Jesus and friends who know Him. My heart is so overwhelmed with thankfulness for his grace that pours like rain and covers us when we need Him.

This life is so weird and bizarre at times and I find that I'm finally experiencing a reality check as my three years in nursing school finally pay off, and instead of studying in the class, I get to be the one that babies and children and worried parents call out to in the middle of the night. I get to be the one to auscultate their apical heart rates, to give them pain medicine, and to whisper to them "are you doing ok?"... And yet at the same time as finally getting to use my knowledge, I experience the reality that as a baby nurse I know so very little about infants and their needs, and toddlers, and teenagers.

There's nothing like having to watch beautiful children suffer. It's a reality so deep and painful that I hope my heart never becomes numb too. And yet as much as it is dark in the nights and in some of these kids lives', as a nurse you see the care of God in the midst of despair. I see a loving God who comforts these children, who speaks to their mother, who gives strength to the one who is about to give up. I know a God who cares- which inspires me to care- in response.

I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to stay up all night long. And it was hard for me- night shift is something I never want to do when I'm married or have a family. I don't want to do it right now even. But sometimes you have to do things even when you wouldn't so choose. I'm so grateful for my friends in my life who prayed for me, asked me how I was doing, and even offered to cook me food. They were so kind and supportive. And then I feel so blessed by God just for little things during the night, that gave me joy, like the most beautiful baby boy and getting to hold him, or a little girl wanting to talk to me. I'm grateful that God reaches out to us in the way we need, that He speaks our language, knows our heart.

One week down- three to four days when you feel like a social outcast who literally goes to work at night and sleeps all day long-  I survived week one. And if I can comfort a child in the midst of their illness, if I can see families the way God sees them, if I can pray for my patients and treat them differently- if one child's life could be changed for the better, then yes, it was worth it.

Lord of the Nights

I'm currently reading a book "How to Survive a Shipwreck" by Jonathan Martin and his subtitle is "Help is on the way and love is already there." I don't know about you, but it gives me great, great comfort to know that God is Lord of the shipwrecks in our lives, the nights, and the dark as well as He is the God of light and everything glorious. 

Because of sin, sometimes we all face darkness in our lives, and at some times we will come face to face with our greatest fears, and our doubts and shame threaten to overthrow us. Sometimes we just go through hard things- when we end up with more desperate prayers... God get me through the night or Lord help me sleep. Maybe even, Father help me live; help me forgive; give me a reason for this.

The first time I read about Jacob wrestling with God in the Bible, I was confused. Why would a human wrestle God, and then my bigger question Why did God wrestle back? Why did he let him go off with a broken hip; why did he bless him that day- in the struggle for his life?

As I was studying and thinking a little more, Jacob was wrestling with alot that night both in his head and heart as well as his body. He was wrestling with shame from deceiving his father and brother, wrestling with his fears of confronting his brother's army the next day, the fears of death, fighting surrender and God's plan for His life.

Sometimes it's easier to fight physical battles then mental and spiritual warfares. But Jacob confronted his failures, weaknesses, and sins and dares to face God. It was an exhausting and humiliating struggle that crippled him. I'm sure it crippled his pride, tore away every idol he had clung too for comfort, stripped him of his old identity.. I'm sure it was painful, exhausting, and difficult. But God had mercy on Jacob; blessed him; and gave him a new name Israel. He was a new man who had full reliance on Christ and had experienced the power of forgiveness.

Satan loves sin but sometimes I think he loves the result of sin: shame and separation from God even more than the acts itself. When we mess up, his goal is to show us that we are unworthy and cannot come back to God. He doesn't want us to wrestle because then we would have to look God in the face again. He wants us to run away, to wimp out, to stay paralyzed in fear, focusing on ourselves.

But even in your biggest sins, even in your moment of fear, when the darkness has come over you, when the shipwreck threatens to take all your life away- you can look to God. And if you are angry, you can fight him, you can yell at him, ask him your questions, challenge Him, but look to Him. If you see God, in your night, or in your days, you will be changed. So do not fear to give everything to God because He can handle every part of you, every fear, and every struggle and he can give you the courage to overcome and change you into a new man/ woman for His kingdom.

WE NEED NATURE

It seems to me these days, that so many people are intimidated by the outdoors.

Oh they go on hikes- of course- the man made paths taking you from short destinations to another, so that one may view a waterfall or cave. They follow the map, they do shorter trails, they go to "national parks". But when you ask them to trailblaze they will often complain about the weeds, the bush, the snakes. When you tell them to explore, they will ask you for the map. They hesitate to go in the cave if there's no guide. They won't climb the waterfall because they are afraid. And they only swim in the ocean when it's warm and at the right times.

What I'm saying is, in general, our generation and the generations after us are becoming more and more afraid of nature. Less and less prepared to survive outside. We hate the cold, the mosquitos bother us, and we would rather camp in a cabin or hotel then spend a night in a tent.

And you may be saying, yes but why does this matter?

It matters because it's hurting our relationship to God and others.

It matters because nature proclaims the glory of God. The Word says that "through Him all things were made; that Has been made." We can learn about Christ through every single aspect of creation.

Job 12:7-10 "Ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky and they will tell you, speak to the earth, or let the fish of the sea inform you, Which of these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this?"

In nature we are taught who Christ is by getting to meet the Creator. We learn that God is not a weak God, not passive, but powerful; full of beauty, detail, plan.

We come face to face with Christ realizing our smallness in comparison to Him. We are reminded that we are not the center of the universe. We have no control on the ocean or tides. When we climb the mountains we realize we are tired and the journey to God takes endurance. Nature teaches us, that the world is a lie, when it tells us "it's all about me". Because nature is about Christ.

We are a technology generation. We use electricity to create balance in our homes with temperatures. We love control. We control our environments, our choice of careers, our food, and we try to control our lives. And when we are inside, we have quite a bit of control, quite a bit of so called "safety".

But when you go wild, when you go outdoors, when you go rugged, it's amazing.. it's scary, it's real because you lose control! And it's beautiful- it's authentic- it's real. You meet a real God, a wild God, you have the opportunity to know Him in a realer way. And you learn that He's not contained by the limits of your expectations, and the rules you think you have to follow, you learn that He is so much bigger than you. And that you are so much smaller than you ever realized.

Nature is crazy; it's amazing. And I think Satan loves it when we opt out, when we take the safe path more traveled, when we are too busy working in our technology filled, comfortable, controlled lives... but sometimes we have to schedule ourselves an adventure. We have to get out there again. Back out into nature, back into the wild- so that we can be reminded who Christ is.

Don't be intimidated by nature. Your life is worth risking sometimes to find something truly good, truly real. Just get out there and find an adventure that's worth living for- find God.

Why are Christians so mean?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the time a Christian, or an Adventist was mean to you. I'm so sorry for the way they judged you, they judged your clothes, your family, your background, or something you said. I'm sorry for the way the church hurt you- the way it caused you to question if you wanted to know Jesus? I'm sorry for the time you visited church and it wasn't friendly. I'm sorry that you didn't feel reached by the community of believers. And I'm sorry, for the time I misrepresented Jesus to you.

Let me tell you that my Savior is so different from the way people make Him seem sometimes. He is so loving and so good. He is fair, honest, and just- sin has no power in comparison to His glory. He is just and full of unending grace and love.

I've been there before where I felt shameful and unaccepted. I was afraid to meet Jesus because I expected condemnation. Like the woman who was an adulterer- I was ready for the stones, for the judgement I believed I deserved... And yet when I met Jesus. He knelt in the sand, next to me. He touched my hands, touched my heart, changed my life, set me free.

And I hope that no human being- can ever keep you away from getting to know Christ. Because the moment you reach out to meet Him, He will embrace you, showering you with a love you've never known. He knows everything about you and yet deeply desires you anyways.

I was thinking though, about some reasons why Christians could be rude and mean and here are my top ideas. I'm definitely welcome to any thoughts on this issue.

1. Cold Christians? You try to talk to them and they answer with short sentences, they don't smile at you or welcome you? I believe that for many individuals they don't do this on purpose but I think that we can't accept and reach out to others until we feel fully accepted in the church ourselves. When we are living in a Christian "performance" we are so focused on making our own friends and doing the right things that we don't intentionally realize we are called to look around and be welcoming and kind to others. Then you also just have shy people, who are normally perceived as being cold or not liking socialization.

2. Judgmental Christians? These Christians may be trying to earn their Christianity with works. They may have been in the church for a while and developed very strict rules for themselves that help them keep closer to what they think Christ is like. It is easy with these rule regulated individuals who are constantly judging themselves and creating this high standard to give off an attitude of judgement. Until an individual accepts the grace of God in abundance it is difficult to extend grace and compassion to others. If we are feeling judged there is also a good possibility that we feel this way not because of what they are doing, but because of personal fears ourselves and comparisons to others.

3. Boxed Christians. Boxed Christians are super sheltered and struggle to talk to people who aren't raised like them. They get freaked out with words like "alcohol" "movies" "lesbian" and "meat." Thus severely limiting their friendships to Christians who are like them. It's not always that the box Christians don't like you; they just often don't understand. Box Christians may be afraid or intimidated by unboxed individuals because they don't know what to say or how to reach out. Boxed Christians may be hesitant to meet you anywhere other than Bible studies or church because they don't want to give you the wrong idea- they don't want to care too much or worry about rules they have been taught since they were young.

4. Nominal Christians. Many people who claim to know Jesus don't really know Jesus. So in a typical church you need to consider that many of the people you meet, aren't actually living like Jesus- thus they may not be demonstrating the fruits of the spirit that God calls us to represent. These nominal Christians give Christians a bad rap in general by playing the same games as the rest of the world but knowing how to put on a show for church and/or Sabbath.

5. Sinners. That's you; that's me. The reality is every Sabbath school teacher, preacher, and priest sins and falls short of the glory of God. Although it's probably not their intention to hurt you, the probability that it will happen is highly likely.

Am I my brothers keeper

"Am I my brothers keeper?" Genesis 4:9
  Am I my sister's protector?

It's a question I've toiled with many times when I wonder if I should speak up for a friend. Do I have to be the one to stand up for this person or will somebody else do it? Can I just look away? Often fear of conflict or  non-willingness to step up, care, and advocate can make us passive onlookers to injustice.

Yet if I was called by God to "speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of the destitute" to watch out for my neighbors and defend the orphans.. don't I have a duty to speak up for the vulnerable? Proverbs 31:8

I work in a field closely related to women's rights. I talk to women who are victims of rape or domestic violence. Needless to say, I am passionate about woman's advocacy, domestic violence, and abuse.

I want to share with you two tragic stories that have been in the news regarding two rape cases when no one was there to help or report. (Statistically speaking FYI, one in four women have been victims of rape or attempted rape, and one if four married women have experienced domestic violence. When you look at third world countries, Asian and African countries, your women's rights plummet to the ground far below these statistics and child slaves, wife beating, and female genital mutilation is common. If you are interested in women's rights and social justice I strongly recommend this eye opening article by Rachel Evans on why we need feminism https://rachelheldevans.com/blog/we-need-feminism and http://www.marieclaire.com/politics/a14531235/sexual-assault-victims-forced-to-speak-out/ for a great individual perspective on what it's like to be a victim. But I will be the first to agree that it's not just woman who are having difficulties with these issues and statistically men are the last to come forward and talk about it.)

The first story I want to share with you is the Glen Ridge rape case which was the first time a sexual assault of a woman with an intellectual disability captured widespread national attention. It was 1989, and after school, a group of popular high school athletes persuaded a young woman who was in special ed classes to come into one of their basements with the promise of setting her up with the football player she had a crush on. Instead of fulfilling the promise, the athletes forced her to perform oral sex and assaulted her with a baseball bat and broomstick. That day there were 13 men who saw what was happening in the basement and by the end of the night six men had lift. But no man stopped it, no man stood up for what was right, no man reported the incident.

Fast forward to last year, not far from where I live, a 16 year old football player was raped by four of his team mates. And no other team mates or the coach came forward to report when the incident happened.

Both of these stories could have gone so differently if just one person would have spoke up. If one person would have said "Stop, this is wrong" so much pain and guilt could have been saved. I don't believe the wounds of rape, domestic violence, and abuse can ever be fully erased but I believe we have a healer that can transform these wounds into beautiful stories of healing and that love can be written over the scars.

One of the first people I think about in the Bible that stood up for her "brothers and sisters", that stood up for what she believed is Esther. Esther risked her life to stand up for her people when they experienced injustice and God richly rewarded her. A second person is Abraham who pleaded for Lot's family and the city of Sodom. Abraham chose to care and plead on their behalf for mercy and it made a difference. These were passionate people in their times; these were advocates.

And I think God is calling us to advocate for others in the same way. I believe that we are called to see, not to look away or stagger back in fear, but to choose justice, to choose to speak up, to choose to care enough to act. Today there are many social justice issues and many different controversial stances and political beliefs. It can be so tempting  to close your eyes, turn off the news, and say "that's not about me or my people so I don't care." This is the wrong attitude. Every human being, every color, every gender, people from every country are beloved children of God. We have to stand up for justice. We have to be our brothers and sisters' keepers; we need each other.

It's Rebekah's fault right

One of the stories that really gets to me in the Bible is Jacob and Esau. But it's not Jacob who I'm really angry at, it's Rebekah. I just don't understand how someone so specifiically chosen by God for marriage to Isaac- can deceive her own husband stealing from her older son. (Genesis 26-28)

It's terrible. Imagine your husband being on the edge of death and being so obsessed with your  own desires and favorite son that you craft a plot to deceive the love of your life. To dress Jacob up in hairy clothes and hunters smells, to lie to Isaac- to cause pain on her whole family.

And let me just remind you that Rebekah is no slut, she's no Christian newbie, she's not from around the block. She is the poster child for every "how to date" or "kiss dating goodbye" Christian read.
She is from the right place, right family, right upbringing. She is kind, generous, respectful. Isaac's servant obeyed God and Abraham's orders and prayed over who this girl should be- and she was the girl- given by God who seemed to have it all.

And so I wonder how can a family that starts with God- with a holy relationship- and dedication and love go so wrong? How can a couple submitted to each other in prayer deceive each other so coldly?

Why do so many couples in the church lack love for each other? Yes they can play so perfect serving in church and serve the right rolls during communion, yet I can't pretend I didn't see them yelling at each other getting ready for Sabbath or all the way there? Why are so many Christian couples fighting and getting divorced? And then others play martyrs and try to stay in terrible relationships because they believe it's their Christian duty. In summary what's wrong with families and why is it so difficult for families to serve God and stay pure?

Ellen White writes that there is no missionary field more important than the home, no greater testimony than a family that loves God and loves each other. And Satan strategically must love to attack this area.

This story of Esau and Isaac is also close to my heart because 2 summers ago I wrote a skit for my church on a modern day parallel for a VBS. The theme was "God heals broken families". It was one of my favorite skits, favorite themes, favorite topics- it was real, deep, and practical.

As a single girl, I look around at so many issues families are having and it's intimidating, it's scary. Quite bluntly, I never want in a relationship like what I see so often around me. The tears, the blaming, the control, the pain. It's easy to look at a story like this and just blame Rebekah- because she started it. But I think one thing I've definitely learned lately is "it takes two to tango"and relationships are hard. It's hard for selfish people to learn to unconditionally love someone else. Then you bring in kids- and wow, I can only imagine... Families are hard, intense, crazy, and wild at times.
But the thing about God is He doesn't give up on us, He doesn't leave us and blame us; He doesn't start what He won't fulfill; and He didn't just help Isaac find Rebekah and then leave them a broken story ending. Our Father is a dad of forgiveness, completion, a God of detail, restoration, and perfection.

In the end of the story Esau forgives Jacob and Jacob seeks forgiveness. Jacob runs to Esau arms wide open and accepts his brother again. Esau and Jacob working together, at their own time, with God's help bring their family back together again. Families are hard; families need help and prayer because the devil wants to break people where it hurts. Thankfully we have a Father that is all about family, all about community, rebuilding trust and broken relationships. No matter where we've been, what we've done, what our families like, Christ calls us to a family much bigger than ourselves- to a Kingdom. And He tells us, you have a place at my table, you have a family of love.. and I'm going to teach you how to do family better.

Why should I serve?

This world is broken and I'm busy. I work 5 days a week, go to church, and reach out to my co workers and friends. Am I really supposed to serve beyond that? Why does service really matter anyways?

I get you. I hear you; I really do.
But these are excuses- and quite frankly, they are really lame. We have to take responsibility for our life, habits, and choices. Why can't we come to grasp that the only thing that really matters is what we do for Christ? Why can't I understand that- why am I so distracted?

I was fake interviewing some church friends and single adults and asking them what they did after work- how they spent their time. Their answers were very mundane. Let's see, they wash clothes, exercise, knit, cook, and read. What a dream life right? I understand that God asks us to be faithful in the small things; I do think responsibilities matter; more importantly relationships matter. But what about living for Jesus in a radically different way than the rest of the world?

I met a nursing coworker yesterday who asked me why I came to Chattanooga. When I told her about the Adventist community here, her response was this "I used to not know anything about Adventists- think they were weird- and now I know they are just like everybody else."

It shocked me, totally silenced me, you can't rebuttal that. Ouch is the simple response. But it gave me a sense of urgency to go back to the ABC's of Christianity and question what does it mean to live for Jesus? What does it mean to know Him and be changed? And I think a key aspect to Christianity is taking up our crosses beside Him. It's service.

Ellen White writes that "In many cases the rubbish of the world has clogged the channels of the soul. Selfishness controls the mind and warps the character. Were the life hid with Christ in God, His service would be no drudgery. If the whole heart were consecrated to God, all would find something to do, and would covet a part in the work. "

We would covet a part in the work. We would be excited- our hearts would be on fire; we would be passionate again. What would it be like to be a God-follower that experienced joy and passion during the week because of our love and service for Jesus? Service has the ability to totally set our hearts on fire- to change our lives around- to give us an opportunity to participate in the fellowship of service with Jesus.

Service helps us overcome selfishness. It teaches us to count our blessings. There are so literally so many amazing things about service and ways it can change our lives and yet so often we sigh and grudgingly help. We don't ask God to radically open our eyes to where He is asking us to minister.

Personally, I MISS service- like a homesick, deep longing for the meaning and fulfillment that service brings as well as the connection to Jesus. I miss working as a missionary at an orphanage in Peru- feeling like I was actually connected to Christ and able to minister to the girls who were there. I miss children's hospital ministry: leading groups to the hospital to sing and dance and make kids laugh who were in pain or who had terminal diseases. And I miss summer camp- I miss getting to counsel kids and teach them what it meant to follow Christ. I miss organizing the Passion play and getting to act like an angel, writing the story of how "Jesus changes lives." I miss service so much and if I would easily say that special memories I have when I gave my time and energy to Jesus were the best experiences and most joyful experiences of my life!

I truly believe service can be something we love. It doesn't have to be forced, or just fulfill a time obligation. God created us with gifts with passions and with feelings- He created us to be alive and to get excited- about helping others.

If you're like me and your not currently involved in service- maybe you're thinking back to a time in your life when you were- and you remember the joy it brought, I challenge you to ask God for a ministry. Ask God where you can serve. And then truly prepare your heart for the unexpected.
God might be calling you to something right in front of your face, like getting involved with your local church more, or He might be asking you to do something crazier like starting your own project or going on a mission trip.

The thing is God doesn't just ask us to get involved with service and His ministry when we have more time, or if we feel like it. In His Word He demonstrates that we were created to serve; that He lived a life of service teaching us how to use our hands and feet to touch others. In Matthew 25:40 it says "The King replied, Truly I tell you whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sisters you did for me." Do we know Him? Do we truly know Him? And if we know Him, do we take the time to find Him in the least of these and to serve Him?

How Independence Kills Relationships

I cling to independence like my skydiving instructor. It's my trophy and confidence. If you can convince yourself that you are brave, smart, and invincible- it's so much easier for the rest of the world to believe in you as well.

And after all, who wants to depend on others? Who wants to be insufficient to provide for their own needs? If we can make our own money, travel the world, adventure alone- we can do it all right- we don't need anyone.

And if I don't need anyone.. then maybe I don't want anyone.
No more opinions about where I'm going, what I'm watching. No more nosy women and bratty kids.. YOLO I can do my own life exactly how I want because it's MINE.
Freedom.

Or slavery. Depending on how you look at it. Go back in time to meet God's law protecting angel Lucifer. Lucifer was intelligent, wise, he thought he was set apart, thought that maybe he was something special. Maybe he could be good- maybe he just wanted to fly solo for a bit... Just wanted to try and see what he could do on his own.

Relationships take work and sacrifice. Independence just takes a belief in oneself and fulfilling one's own desires. It seemed so fast that one third of the angels were cast down from heaven with ring leader Lucifer of independent self-sufficiency.

And after him, it seemed we all wanted to know what it was like to make our own choices, experience our own "freedom", without considering the consequences and costs to others.. Eve thought of herself and ate accordingly, Adam blamed Eve, and they decided to hide from God. Sin makes us want to run away from our Creator who can fulfill our needs and teaches us to work our desires for ourselves- independently from Christ and each other- we try to meet our own needs and end up addicts to our own games.

Independence is a plan to lose because at one point or another, we realize we are not the super star we always thought. We are not invincible- immortal- or wise. We are not without sin, and we will fall captive to temptations and disappointments. Sooner or later we forget the childhood stories of "you can do anything" and we realize we are just like the other people in the world. Sad? Maybe. Yet knowing this about ourselves: that we are broken, insufficient humans should give us courage and hope.

The reason why is we can stop believing in ourselves. We can let go of our high expectations. We can meet the Savior that never wanted us to live independently- but wanted us to look for Him for every breath of air and ounce of courage. We can learn that this world does not revolve around us and we can join hands with the body of Christ.

Independence kills my relationships because relationships are other-centered and independence is a rebellion of me-centeredness. What I want shouldn't be the deciding factor. We have to get beyond our own thoughts and expectations, and begin to look around at other people, and most importantly upward to the face of Christ. God is not a God of independence. He is a trinity- three persons- illustrating a deep relationship of sacrifice and other-centeredness. Jesus is the example of pure love- sacrificing His desires- to give us a freedom that can never come from trusting ourselves.

Why I'm Intentional About My Friendships

I talked to a friend a couple days ago, that I hadn't seen in a few years. He told me that besides from one other couple, I was the only friend back in Chattanooga that he still spoke to once in a while. I found that surprising and terribly sad because we've only talked a few times. Yet after saying that, he told me that he didn't try hard to keep in touch and that he appreciated my intentionality with his friendship.

It really saddened me and I think it's often true, that as a society, we lack communication skills, we lack friendship skills, and we often struggle to keep long distance relationships alive. It's easy when we see people on a day to day basis, even once a week or month, but what happens when life's circles no longer meet so carelessly. What happens when the convenience is taken out of the relationship or distance, challenges, and barriers are stacked in between.

I am intentional about my friendships and I don't take them lightly. The reason why that is, is because I know what it's like to not have any friends. I know what it's like for the people you know to be stripped away, for distance to ruin everything, and to have to try and try again to create new friends that don't understand or see you for who you are. I know how hard it is to find true friends, to find amazing friends which I'm blessed to have now- but haven't always had.

I remember hiding in the bathrooms during lunch at middle school, praying for someone to sit with on the bus, and even freshman year at college at times wishing I was invisible. During these times, I had friends- but they were miles and miles away. Yet these friends kept me going. I texted them; I called them; I learned how to keep in touch. And while I hid for a long time and struggled to make new friendships in new environments, eventually I believe I improved a little in my friendship making skills.

For a long time I prayed for solid friends. Friends that would see me for who I was as a person and choose to accept the good and the bad. Friends that were of character and could relate and encourage my walk with God- not trying to lead me astray. Friends that wanted to hang out with me, and were close to me like brothers or sisters.

For a long time I waited. And then a few years ago, God began answering my prayers. I'm so beyond blessed and thankful for the friends I have in my life. I don't just have a few but I feel like I am surrounded by such community and love, some friends here in Chattanooga and many in Alaska, Oregon, Oklahoma, and around the world. My friends are the BEST- literally, I don't know what else to say- but they are dream friends.

I don't know how you feel about your friends, if you feel like you have many, or if you identify with struggling to find people that genuinely care about you and see you for who you are. I know that God answered my prayer, yet I know that having friendships doesn't mean I'm good to go. I know that relationships require work, commitment, and sacrifice. And that keeping friends is quite the trick as making them.

If you are lonely, I encourage you to reach out. To believe that God has made you individually and wonderfully and to have the courage to share your life with someone else. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person, you have to reach out and be more vulnerable first. And I just hope you know that you are loved and that your friendship status doesn't define who you are as an individual- that you are a child of God.

And if you have amazing friends, like I do, let's treasure them. Let's be more intentional. Let's love them with a deeper love. Let's be the dream friends that see the best in each other and reach out to serve. Maybe our friendships can testify of the love of Christ- may they be genuine and pure.

To Know Him

I watched with wide eyes as he smiled at the waiter. His stories could make the whole room laugh and yet he was different, he was kind. I knew that if only I could get to know him.. we could be friends. What could I do to get him to notice me? I wanted to meet this man so badly..

Friends, do you want to know Jesus? Are you curious about the man who touched the lepers, who was friends of the rejected, and yet could outsmart the Pharisees? Do you wonder what it would be like to know a Healer, to know a King who could pay your debt?

Do you want to know Him?

Because I do.

When I see Him, my eyes look up from the ground and I begin to see the people around me differently. When I talk with Him, He teaches me to talk just a little bit less- to listen to the people around me more. When I hear Him, I walk more gracefully. My steps become softer and purer and I don't get lost. When I touch Him, I find confidence to face my fears and live a life of higher calling. Friends, when I met Jesus, He changes me. The very presence of Christ gives me a power beyond myself- gives me a family in a heavenly kingdom.

And yet so often, we say we want to know Him. But we don't talk to Him. We say we want to know Him, but we don't read His word. We say we want to know Him, but we don't take the time to meet Him. We get busy, our eyes wonder, and we forget about that mysterious, kind man.

When life is good it's so easy to forget.

But then something happens, our life changes, we experience change, disaster, loneliness, longing. We're walking through the motions, going about our business, when from the window.. we see the man again.

And this time. We don't just watch him, we don't just look from afar, or stare. This time we open the door, we run into the restaurant, and we meet Him. With anticipation and passion and hope, we say "Jesus I want to know you."

And he reaches out his wounded hands, warmly embracing us, calling us by name, He whispers "I know all about you, and I love you, oh how I love you."

ASK with confidence

"Let us therefore draw near with boldness unto the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace to help us in time of need."

It's always been hard for me to ask people for things. "Can you help me?" might take a few minutes of hesitation. I would rather try for 10 minutes, fail a few times, before surrendering to humility and asking something else of others. And yet so often I find that when asking for help, people are happy to help me. In fact, it often deepens our friendship and gives the other person a sense of pride and joy.

Someone who loves us, wants us to ask them for the things we need. Most people can't read our minds. God cans, but he still reminds us to ask. He says "You do not have because you have not asked". He tells us "Ask and it will be given to you.. for everyone who asks receives, the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks the door will be opened." In the Word we are constantly finding a God who showers blessing upon blessing, and unending grace like rain on believers who ask God for what they need and have faith that He will provide.

I think far often in our life, when we look at things we desire but do not have: may it be characteristics or virtue we have yet to develop, material goods and prosperity, or relationships like friendships and intimate partners, we may find that we have spent too little time on our knees. When Elizabeth wanted and prayed for a child, it took years and years for God to answer her prayer. It is important for us to remember that God's time is totally different than our expectations and not to lose heart when we have to wait.

To get something you have to know what you want and then ask the right person or work hard yourself to get it. That sounds simple right? Too simple. But too often I meet friends who tell me they are unhappy with how they are living- friends who fall into depression. And I ask them, What do you want? And they don't know. They don't understand why they are not making it. And thus they can't get the help they need to get out of bad situations.

It's a New Year, and this is your life, your choice. You have the power to decide how you will think about this year and how you will act. So it's important to consider what do you want? Who do you want to serve? Will you serve God or will you serve yourself and the Devil? What goals do you want to accomplish? What habit do you want to break or disciple do you need to develop?

Think about it. Pray about it. And when you know what you want, who you want to follow, who you want to be like, ask for help.

Have you prayed for it as much as you have complained, worried, or pondered it? Complaining hurts the relationships with the people around you, worrying can increase anxiety and harm your health, thinking is a good idea but your emotions and thoughts are often misleading.

But praise God, we have a loving Father that cares about us. He knows the desires of our hearts and He knows the struggles we fight daily. He loves to talk to us; cherishes the time we spend with Him; and He enjoys answering our prayers.

You don't have to "fake it til you make it" or pretend when you have a God who sees the real you and who wants to bless your life. Talk to Him. Ask Him with confidence because He loves you.

For where you lack

The butterflies came back, more than butterflies, I think wasps have found a home inside my stomach: that kind of not sleeping, worrying, deep fear, and uncertainty. It's time like these that I want to run so far, so fast. I want to grab a guy and never let go. I want to be surrounded by blankets and people and soft music telling me "that it's going to be ok".

I don't feel ok. Life is not always ok. It's not promises and bows. And I can't drag my besties with me to my first day of work. I have to fight my own battles. I have to fight my own fears. We all do.

I remember this feeling all too well- flashbacks from 2 years ago- nursing school. Night before clinicals: not being able to sleep, just dreading what would come. I remember Peru- being forced to look my fears in the face and choose to fight.

And I remember what God did then. I remember that He was with me; I remember that He gave me strength. I remember that He covered my weaknesses. And that these times made our relationship stronger; more steadfast; more Father-daughter, Savior- saved.

Friends, we are all not enough. We are all lacking. And we will come to times in our life when we feel like this world is too scary for us, too big for us. Whether we have fallen in the mud, or are looking at a battle up ahead, trembling because we don't feel ready...

Somehow no matter how much we prepare, how much we practice, what we say, and how we pretend: the reality is we come up short. We lack. We fail. We fall. We hurt.

But friends, we have a safety for the battle. We have a "get out" when the war zone has destructed our suroundings. We have a Savior. And where I lack, His grace is stronger.

I don't know what battle you are facing in your life. I don't know where your coming up short. I don't know how you feel when nobody is watching, what you say and do- the things you are ashamed of.

But in my darkest nights, when I was running- I ran into Him. I saw my Savior clearer in my struggles than my most prosperous days. I can look back at the story of my life and truly say that Jesus was the reason why I am here and that I love Jesus because He saved my life.

And He can't save you when your playing "little miss independent". He can't save you when you have it all together. He came to seek and save the lost. And friends, we are lost. Why are we lost? Because we were born on this messy planet of sin. We need Him. I need Him.

So may you smile at the wasps, at the butterflies, because you know they will teach you faith. May you sing when your alone in the dark because you have a one-on-one date with your Savior. May you laugh at the hardships because you trust that God is coming through for you. May your souls rest in confidence because you know Him and His love for you. He has your back and He covers you where you lack.

Stop Loving Yourself

You see all these advertisements and inspirational slogans saying "Love yourself."
"Take time to love yourself this season" Pamper, indulge, prioritize you, you first...

Well that's a lie, that's not Biblical in any way.

The very definition of love involves someone else...  It's something we humans can hardly comprehend but even Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines love as a) strong affection for another b) or unselfish, benevolent concern for the good of another

Love by definition is self-sacrificing and other-centered. "If you lock yourself alone in a room and stay there for the rest of your life, you will never experience love (truthlink).

John 15:12 says "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." And John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."

We can try to love ourselves all we want: indulging in consumerism, food, hobbies... but it will leave our souls empty. Because we were created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) we were created with a desire for relationships. a desire to rely on the love God has for us, and to love others.

Friends, we don't understand what love means. And until we get it right, our hearts won't be full. We will only find true purpose and satisfaction when we are beholding Christ's character and His glory and choosing to reflect it.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions in truth." 1 John 3:16-18

But I'm Afraid

"What are you afraid of child, he whispered?.. The secret is that you must do."

I have an embarrassing confession to make..

I'm afraid ALOT.

There was a time in my life when I felt so invincible. I was such a brave kid- tell me jump off the mountain and I would do a front flip. I would try anything and everything and being brave was just second nature. And yet sometime it happened..

My Fear became bigger than my faith

My fear became a stronger influence then my faith in myself, my abilities, and sometimes even God.

Just yesterday I was snowboarding on Aspen Mountain and I fell off the lift getting off, slid onto a steep icy blue hill, and yelled at my brother.. I can't do this I'm scared.

And he said, "stop being afraid- let's go"

I screamed. I had anxiety. And then I clipped in my board and after sliding my butt partway down the mountain remembered that I knew how to carve and carving worked so much better. And it was fine, it was totally fine, it could have been better if I was carving more confidently.. but I let my fear limit my abilities and limit my mountains and that hurt my performance.

And the reality is that we do this often (many times subconciously) every day.

One of my biggest resolutions for the New Year is to love better and to fear less. To love and give generously and stop letting fears define my relationships, work, and free time.

I challenge you to think about your dreams- like deep in your heart- and to think about things God may be asking you to do, people he may want you to reach, activities you should try-- and to choose to be courageous. 

To choose that this year Fear will have less power in your life and Love will have more. Because truly, as cliche as it may sound, if God is on our side, who can stand against us?

I understand how it feels to be afraid, to be terrified to do something, and I know how it feels to run away. And although it's comfortable sometimes I've wondered.. what would happen if I hadn't ran? What would happen if I would have fought through?

But I also understand how it feels to be terrified, and to be standing on the edge of the ridge, and to jump- not because of the people screaming at you to jump- but because in your heart you choose to be a warrior, you choose to be courageous. And at the end of that jump, when your wet, and cold, swimming in a deep new sea, there is so much joy.

This New Year, you have a decision to make- on whether you will jump in with God or whether you will run or wait in the shadows. And jumping is scary- but jumping is exhilarating- it will deepen your faith in God and your confidence. So may we have courage to overcome our personal giants as we look to our Biblical heros, may we have confidence to love without expectations as we experience the outpouring of Christ's love for us, and may we be brave warrior children for the King.