First Week of Night Shift

I'm beyond thankful that I survived 3 nights in a row- and my first nights as a nurse in training at the children's hospital. I'm definitely exhausted today- but my heart is so full with the love and mercy of knowing Jesus and friends who know Him. My heart is so overwhelmed with thankfulness for his grace that pours like rain and covers us when we need Him.

This life is so weird and bizarre at times and I find that I'm finally experiencing a reality check as my three years in nursing school finally pay off, and instead of studying in the class, I get to be the one that babies and children and worried parents call out to in the middle of the night. I get to be the one to auscultate their apical heart rates, to give them pain medicine, and to whisper to them "are you doing ok?"... And yet at the same time as finally getting to use my knowledge, I experience the reality that as a baby nurse I know so very little about infants and their needs, and toddlers, and teenagers.

There's nothing like having to watch beautiful children suffer. It's a reality so deep and painful that I hope my heart never becomes numb too. And yet as much as it is dark in the nights and in some of these kids lives', as a nurse you see the care of God in the midst of despair. I see a loving God who comforts these children, who speaks to their mother, who gives strength to the one who is about to give up. I know a God who cares- which inspires me to care- in response.

I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to stay up all night long. And it was hard for me- night shift is something I never want to do when I'm married or have a family. I don't want to do it right now even. But sometimes you have to do things even when you wouldn't so choose. I'm so grateful for my friends in my life who prayed for me, asked me how I was doing, and even offered to cook me food. They were so kind and supportive. And then I feel so blessed by God just for little things during the night, that gave me joy, like the most beautiful baby boy and getting to hold him, or a little girl wanting to talk to me. I'm grateful that God reaches out to us in the way we need, that He speaks our language, knows our heart.

One week down- three to four days when you feel like a social outcast who literally goes to work at night and sleeps all day long-  I survived week one. And if I can comfort a child in the midst of their illness, if I can see families the way God sees them, if I can pray for my patients and treat them differently- if one child's life could be changed for the better, then yes, it was worth it.