Overcoming alone

One of the times in the Bible I see Jesus experiencing the agony of being alone is in the Garden of Gethsemane.

 Jesus was being faced with His darkest storms. Satan was throwing at Him the worst demons, lies, and temptations. Darkness surrounded Jesus and he had to be full of fear knowing how he must die a painful death on the cross- taking a risk that humanity might reject him totally.

He was with three of his best friends and yet he felt totally alone. He said to his closest disciples "Sit here while I go and pray over there, for my soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with me."

Falling on His face in despair and pain and loneliness and agony.. he pleaded to God to provide another way less painful. To provide an alternative method of salvation. To provide a comforter or a friend in this dark time..

Yearning for support, for help, for guidance, for love- he looked over to his best friends- only to find them sleeping. In the time he needed them most.. they were sleeping. In the time He needed God's spirit most, God had to watch his son suffer alone.

Alone, loneliness. Jesus went there to the depths of this feeling and this place. He went there to show us that we could go there too and that we could overcome it like He did. I think He went there to show us that people on this earth are always going to let us down. There are going to be times where even our closest friends don't seem to understand that pain we are going through or see us. 

And yet it's comforting to know that we never have to experience the exact loneliness Jesus felt- of having to be pulled away from His loving heavenly Father.

I think the more we dwell close to the heart of God- the more we will no longer have to face the enemy's spell of loneliness. I don't believe God created us to have loneliness- He created us to dwell in relationships. 

And when we are lonely, I believe it demonstrates a lack, that there's something missing in our lives. The heart of God is so relationally based that the trinity is made up of three not one. God has designed our hearts with a longing for belonging, with a desire to fellowship, with a desire to know others and to love them.

And I can only imagine what heaven will be when this love is truly fulfilled as we all choose to be one.

Until heaven, I believe we can overcome loneliness by drawing nearer to God's character of inclusiveness, love, and harmony while choosing to follow Jesus' footsteps and learn to serve others- everyone around us. 

Journey to the heart of God

There is a secret path that leads to the most incredible destiny imaginable, and the way we find true joy on this earth is by getting to know our Creator.

Every human being finds himself or herself lost on this landscape of reality-- and eventually will come to realize that this life must mean something more than this. This emptiness, this brokenness, this addiction, this failed relationship, this sick child-- this ever present ache and yearning for more.

We were made for so much more than this earth. We were made for a living love-relationship with our Maker. We were made to receive all of our peace, all of our love, and all of our satisfaction from Him. The problem is quite often we've traded the joy and plans God has for us- for counterfeit idols.

As Isaiah 59:2 says "But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear."

Jeremiah 2:13 says "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and they have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."

So friends, we have to choose whether or not daily we will journey towards the heart of God.

What is the heart of God? What does it mean to transform our thinking according to His? What does it mean to get to know a Savior that understands the depths of our hearts?

Journey with me as we get to know who God is- on a more relational level- to understand what His character is about and what His higher purpose is for us.

Sometimes we have to go back to basics-- where we remember to meet God as a friend and Savior, to confess our sins as someone who has fallen so short of being holy, and to let the Holy Spirit change the thoughts in our minds..

*following steps and teachings of Truth Link Bible studies

I have to love her

One thing I've been super convicted of lately is that Jesus commands me to love everyone.
And that may not seem super surprising to you.. but the everyone part just throws me off a bit.

Because here's my thing, can you really love someone so much at a distance?
Does Jesus stay distant from us? Or does He run to us, embrace, us and love us by spending His presence with us?

My point being, if we really have to love everyone, that means Jesus calls us to be friends with everyone. To be kind to everyone, to spend time with people, to always lend a hand to the broken. And again, that seems basic knowledge..

Until I met her.
Until I met the girl who drives me crazy, who annoys me so much. Until I met the girl that has to look like Barbie and be so vain. Until I met her the girl who makes me feel like crap- the girl who steals away my confidence.

Jesus do I have to love her?
Do I really have to love her?

Because it's hard and it's uncomfortable and it's awkward.
It's frustrating, it's difficult, it would be much easier to let go.

And yet if we truly want to be like Jesus, we have to love like Him.
I know that Jesus doesn't just command us to love cute people, to love nice people, to love people who love us back.

I know that the Jesus I know loved me when I was so unlovable. When I was difficult to please, when I was selfish, when I was a brat- He loved me.

And as Jesus loves me, so I must love.

And I know that Jesus loves her.

I know that Jesus loves the girl who dresses up too much and takes too many pictures. I know Jesus is crazy about the girl who is constantly sleeping with guys. I know that Jesus dances over the girl who doesn't seem to shut up to me.

And I know that if I could see her through the eyes of Jesus, I know I could love her too.

So I have to stop blaming this girl, I have to stop putting the blame on her-- as for the reason I don't love her. I have to stop naming excuses.

Instead I have to take my eyes off of her, off of myself, and I have to look up to the heavens. I have to get to know Jesus again.

Because if I really knew Jesus, I wouldn't be judging her the way I was. So I have to re-meet Jesus, re-visit His kindness and His grace... and then when I see Jesus again, I have to pray to Him.

Jesus change my heart. Jesus change my heart again. Teach me to love like you. Teach me even how to love her.

"Beloved let us love one another because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love" 1 John 4:7,8

I don't like it

"I don't like it" I told my mom for the millionth time after completing my 12 hour shift for the night.
"I hate it." "I actually hate it." I told her.
 And she assured me, your just tired. You need to sleep. You like the kids. You like your co workers. You like helping people.. It will get better.

(great mom ;)

I am so blessed to have a stable job. I take care of kids that I love. I help kids feel better. I get to comfort families in stressful situations. I help them get through some of the hardest part of their life. I have the opportunity to be an example of Jesus' love to each and every sick person-----

BUT that doesn't change the fact that I DON'T LIKE IT. I don't like being at work. I don't like working night shifts. And I think THAT'S OK... It's really hard sometimes. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. But for right now I'm learning it's gonna be ok.

I never thought that I would be able to handle being a night nurse. And I say that for so many reasons. I never thought I would make it as a nurse- past the iv's, and pain, and suffering, and disgusting hospital rooms. And I never in my wildest dreams imagined working nights when the rest of the world is sleeping- having to stay up late, and readjust my sleeping schedule- and be sleep deprived and use caffeine. I am an extremely sleep sensitive individual.

I find it challenging because night shifts make me an emotional mess- I feel like a high school girl on hormones with extreme up and downs-

Sometimes I question my faith more. I struggle with being impulsive. I feel emotions that just seem one hundred times amplified.

But the thing I've found so far- I've made it through almost 6 months of nursing- and four months of night shift on my own-- is that God's light shines so much brighter in the dark. That with God I (and you) can do anything and that we don't have to be afraid of the dark.

We don't have to be afraid of night shift, or uncomfortable jobs, or even jobs we don't like.

Because when we surrender to Him, He will bless, in each and every condition.

And sometimes my prayers, at night, just become a little more desperate. "Lord help me to not fall asleep on my shift. Help me to be able to sleep right now. Help me to not kill my child because I can't focus. Help me to find joy in this when I am so angry right now. God give me patience.."

But normally at some point in the night God gives me an opportunity to read a devotional, or study the Bible, or even go to the bathroom-- and it always just makes me want to praise God. He always gives me hope- enough hope to continue through the night.

And then when I survive like 3 night nursing shifts in a row- I can just sing or dance with joy- hallelujah I don't have to do that for another 4 days!

... So I don't know if your like me, and have the natural tendency to run away from things we don't like, or that feel uncomfortable.

But if you do, remember that even those things you don't like- God can still bless. That even when you don't like it, God can still use you. God can still teach you. God can sometimes change our hearts more when we put ourselves in tough positions that make us trust Him.

And maybe someday we'll grow to like it, maybe. But maybe we won't ever.. and that's ok.. because life's not just about what we like. It's about God, His love, His grace, and His work in us and others =)