I don't like it

"I don't like it" I told my mom for the millionth time after completing my 12 hour shift for the night.
"I hate it." "I actually hate it." I told her.
 And she assured me, your just tired. You need to sleep. You like the kids. You like your co workers. You like helping people.. It will get better.

(great mom ;)

I am so blessed to have a stable job. I take care of kids that I love. I help kids feel better. I get to comfort families in stressful situations. I help them get through some of the hardest part of their life. I have the opportunity to be an example of Jesus' love to each and every sick person-----

BUT that doesn't change the fact that I DON'T LIKE IT. I don't like being at work. I don't like working night shifts. And I think THAT'S OK... It's really hard sometimes. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. But for right now I'm learning it's gonna be ok.

I never thought that I would be able to handle being a night nurse. And I say that for so many reasons. I never thought I would make it as a nurse- past the iv's, and pain, and suffering, and disgusting hospital rooms. And I never in my wildest dreams imagined working nights when the rest of the world is sleeping- having to stay up late, and readjust my sleeping schedule- and be sleep deprived and use caffeine. I am an extremely sleep sensitive individual.

I find it challenging because night shifts make me an emotional mess- I feel like a high school girl on hormones with extreme up and downs-

Sometimes I question my faith more. I struggle with being impulsive. I feel emotions that just seem one hundred times amplified.

But the thing I've found so far- I've made it through almost 6 months of nursing- and four months of night shift on my own-- is that God's light shines so much brighter in the dark. That with God I (and you) can do anything and that we don't have to be afraid of the dark.

We don't have to be afraid of night shift, or uncomfortable jobs, or even jobs we don't like.

Because when we surrender to Him, He will bless, in each and every condition.

And sometimes my prayers, at night, just become a little more desperate. "Lord help me to not fall asleep on my shift. Help me to be able to sleep right now. Help me to not kill my child because I can't focus. Help me to find joy in this when I am so angry right now. God give me patience.."

But normally at some point in the night God gives me an opportunity to read a devotional, or study the Bible, or even go to the bathroom-- and it always just makes me want to praise God. He always gives me hope- enough hope to continue through the night.

And then when I survive like 3 night nursing shifts in a row- I can just sing or dance with joy- hallelujah I don't have to do that for another 4 days!

... So I don't know if your like me, and have the natural tendency to run away from things we don't like, or that feel uncomfortable.

But if you do, remember that even those things you don't like- God can still bless. That even when you don't like it, God can still use you. God can still teach you. God can sometimes change our hearts more when we put ourselves in tough positions that make us trust Him.

And maybe someday we'll grow to like it, maybe. But maybe we won't ever.. and that's ok.. because life's not just about what we like. It's about God, His love, His grace, and His work in us and others =)