A sarcastic look at modesty and church

"Let our beauty not come from anything but Jesus" prays the girl next to me.

And I'm like wow what a lovely thought, but what does that even mean?
Not to mention there are so many mixed messages thrown at woman from both the church and society. Depending on the church you attend, your clothes will be judged in varying ways.

Personally, I like to think Jesus cares less about the length of our skirts and the foundation girls may or may not use. Yet sometimes it's amazing the input and pressure you receive to look and act a certain way. And I'm highlighting these words because how a woman dresses and acts does not define who she is... but it often determines her reputation.

So let me go through some of the things I've heard."You are beautiful the way you are." "Make sure that you look nice, so you will rightly represent the beauty of Christ." "If the barn (face) needs paint you best paint it." "Clothes matter to God." And my favorite "For Pete's sake take off those jeans, people will definitely judge you if you wear those."

Do clothes and makeup matter to God? Probably, but probably SO much less to God then to us. I doubt God concerns himself with yoga pants and dress length as much as many pastors seem too. Somehow I think his focus is a little more internal.

I still remember the day, I was given a lecture and asked to change from my tank top into a shirt that covered my sleeves at summer camp. They said that because I was spiritual director I needed to think more about these things and work harder not to offend anyone. Since my tank top was very modest, I was surprised that shoulders were that exciting to men- but hey I took their advice and earned a farmers tan. Now it's probably been five years since I've worn a tank top or sleeveless covering at a conservative church-- wow that lecturer really changed my life huh? He should get a trophy for teaching me a lesson... "To look nicer and extra modest when I'm in the sanctuary or in the appearance of pastors"

We can all play dress up and come looking out like pilgrims. (And maybe there's a time for that- maybe church should be a pilgrim's progress parade ;) It takes a little more effort to create gracious and loving hearts though. And where I think the church has often gone wrong, is criticizing women's dress and appearance instead of showing them the grace and love of Christ. I think the church is wrong when they point to the outside instead of starting with the inside.

It's easy to create monkeys that can repeat, and mirror images and actions; yet without understanding the why behind modesty or even who God is-- women will quickly become legalistic and photoshopped, drained and bored church participants. They will leave their jewelry at home; their watches; and maybe even their wedding ring... but they will become separated from the church. Learning to lead double lives, to act one way on Sabbath and the other the other days. They will feel unaccepted and judged and will be quick to run from any source of criticism.

I've talked to so many friends that are afraid to be themselves and dress like themselves in their church. They have to wear extra sweaters over the dress they normally wear out, they don't feel comfortable wearing jeans , and they definitely can't show their nose ring or tattoos. And the impact of having to hide, of feeling judged all the time, is huge. It really depletes trust and acceptance; true community; and even bares relationships- all because of external appearances.

So here's where I am: stop hiding. If your a woman who feels like you have to change yourself and how you dress and who you are- to feel a part of a church- then either you or your church are in the wrong. No maybe don't wear your biggest bling-bling necklace or black stud ring, but you don't have to look and act like a million lies to be loved. And if in your church you do, then they don't know Jesus very well. See, Jesus was familiar with bars. He was familiar with outcasts, and weird people, and prostitutes, and jewelry makers, and tax collectors. And Jesus hated pretending. He said, I see you. I see beyond the appearance, beyond the expectations put on by society as well as the Pharisees, I see beyond the makeup you did or didn't wear; the dress that doesn't come down to your knee or is dragging on the ground... I see you, and I love you.

And I want to teach you what it means to be beautiful. I want to teach you what it means to know Jesus from the inside out. Not rules about eating, drinking, and wearing, but experiences that change your life and your whole internal paradime. He says "I want to change everything about you; and I'm going to make you holy. I'm going to make you set apart; but I'm going to do it in my own time."