Celebrate People

I feel so loved this week. And I feel loved most days by my family and house mates and friends. But this week my friends really celebrated me and made me feel super special. Katie Kat ate lunch with me on my birthday and bought me flowers and a pedicure. My mom and dad ate dinner with me and showered me with gifts. My brother bought me spy glasses and told me he loved me. My house mates got some of my best friends together and took me out to ice cream and downtown. It was super sweet.

I feel like for the first time in my life I have lots of friends. I have friends in Oklahoma and in Colorado and in Peru. I have friends who go to Alaska camps and friends from Wewoka Woods. And I have amazing friends that live close by to me and best friends that live with me.

And for so long in my life I've struggled to have good friends. I haven't always had many friends. And I haven't always felt so loved on my birthday. I've always felt loved by my family- but I haven't always had tons of friends to celebrate with. So this 24th birthday was super special for that reason. And in so many ways I'm just so grateful to have such amazing friends and I want them to know that I love them alot. And I want to practice being a better friend.

I've been reading this amazing book called "Everybody Always" and it's about loving everyone. It's easy to love people who are lovable but it's harder to love people you don't click with or are annoyed with. And even with people you love, how much are you loving them? Do you love them in a crazy way, in an unconventional way? Do you treat them the same way you treat Jesus?

And I think one way we can love the people around us is by celebrating them and celebrating with them when something good happens in their life. Birthdays should be celebrated. New jobs celebrated, graduations celebrated, engagements celebrated- because it's special, beautiful, once in a lifetime memories. And the extra effort, the extra money, the extra time is always worth it- I believe- when invested in relationships.

So tonight I'm just like Wow Jesus thank you for blessing me with so many amazing friends.
Thank you for the way they love me and care but more importantly thank you for loving me each and every day and seeing the best. And Lord transform my heart and teach me how to better love the people around me so I can be more like you. Help me to celebrate other people because they are worth celebrating.

My 24 Birthday Vows

What do I need to thank Jesus for this year?

This past year I became a nurse. It was wonderful and surprising and sketchy at the same time. All those prayers, all those days I never thought it would happen, all those doubts of surviving nursing school dissolved as I graduated as an RN. I knew this was a miracle for me- a huge way God had worked- because for me alone this would be impossible.

This past year I got the opportunity to go to Alaska as a camp nurse. It was one of the most joyous opportunities and adventures of my life. I got to have a flying lesson in a plane, kayak in between glaciers, love on little Alaskan natives, and build great relationships with camp staff. I loved being a camp nurse so much!

Then I was praying and interviewing for jobs and I got my dream job opportunity working at the children's hospital in Chattanooga. This has been extremely hard because it's night shift- but it has been so wonderful, because I'm learning how to better take care of little kids and babies and even teenagers. And I love learning about how to take care of them. I wouldn't want to work with any other population.

This year I got the opportunity to move off Southern's campus and rent a house in Ooltewah. I have the most amazing landlord and I get to live with my best friends. They are supportive and fun and we have a blast living together.

This has been a big year. So much has happened and I feel I have been thrown to the world of adulting far too fast, but I'm also super excited. Here are my vows for how I want to live better and closer to Jesus this year as a 24 year old.

1. I vow to treasure God highest. To trust Him with my whole heart and to surrender every detail: work, relationships, classes, and dreams to Him.

2. I vow to trust others- to risk loving other people- to develop better relationships.

3. I vow to go on adventures- to be brave- and try new things including things

4. I vow to believe in myself. To believe that I am a child of God and to stop comparing myself to others.

5. I vow to have confidence in myself as a nurse. To pray for my patients and to love them.

6. I vow to have a more positive attitude. To say thank you more, and smile and laugh more. To thank God for every blessing and see that life is beautiful.

*Well that's about it- if that's not sappy I don't know what is LOL.

Like the broken

I see this picture of this girl dressed up in a really nice dress and she's in the middle of the slums trying to hand out sandwiches and the homeless people come and eat. But they laugh at her. Who does she think she is? She comes and goes once a week into our lives. How could she ever understand?

And then I see a girl who's dressed with jeans and wearing a pony tail. And she's tired and she's been through alot personally. And she comes to visit the homeless people once a week and brings them sandwiches. And she eats with them. And she laughs with them. And she cries with them. And the homeless people love her. And she tells them about Jesus.

You can witness in both situations. You can witness wearing a church dress. You can witness showing your best, showing your trophies, your accomplishments, witnessing with a smile.

And yet sometimes I think the more powerful witness is the one who is willing to share his/her own personal brokenness. Who is willing to dive into the dumpster with a homeless person. Who is willing to get in the dirt and get dirty and personal and messy.

Like when people are at the end of their road, they are tired of the talk.
They are tired of seeing "perfect lives". They want to see something real, something deep, something good in the midst of pain, light in the midst of darkness.

And how can someone who's not willing to enter the dark personally be able to help someone else out of the dark? Can we really help people when we've never been where they are at?

And so the question is like "If we want to help the broken are we willing to be broke?"

If we want to be a missionary are we willing to live poor?

Are we willing to get uncomfortable to experience what it's like to be broken, so we can have the joy of sharing what it's like to be healed.

How we judge

"Do not judge, or you will be judged. For with the same judgement you pronounce, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but fail to notice the beam in your own eye." 

This passage from Matthew 7 gives us a stern warning against the dangers of judging others. I mean how embarassing to try to help somebody else see clearer, trying to help them get a little speck of dust out, so they could see with perfect vision- all the while having a big log in your eye. 

That would be impossible! That would be stupid!!
And yet how stupid are we to look around and make ourselves judges of each others forgetting to have mercy on our brothers and sisters in the same way God has mercy on us.

How strange like the parable in Matthew 18:23- 35 when the King forgave his servant thousands of debts and the servant could not even forgive a few dollars.

And yet how easy it is to put people in boxes, to draw false assumptions, to slap on labels without knowing or caring. How easy it is for us to get frustrated at others when they mess up or make mistakes.

How easy it is to judge.

Just yesterday, I met a sweet girl who was dressed up uber-modestly. She was wearing one of those really long skirts with long dark pants and it was super hot outside. And she talked with one of those sweet voices that sound like a canary. She seems so surreal to me. I was like which box have you lived in your whole life? Have you ever been through anything hard? Why do you have to look and dress like your perfect?

And I have to ask myself why I'm so hard on this girl. She's probably really sweet. Am I jealous of her innocence? Maybe. What is it that I don't like about her? And it comes down to the fact, that I don't know her- that I'm making assumptions about her life. That I'm comparing my life with hers.

I don't know what she's been through.

I don't know how she's been raised.

I don't know anything about her- and even if I did- who am I to judge her.

Friends, it's so easy to judge others and to make accusations or stereotypes but so often they are wrong. We are not very good judges of character- as it can be fooled often- people learn how to put on good shows. 

Thankfully our God is merciful. Our God is loving. He sees our weaknesses; he sees our brokenness and He doesn't just leave us in a mess. He pursues us. He covers us with His blood. He pleads on the cross for our innocence so that we would not be judged. He takes our judgement.

And because Jesus took my judgement that day, I don't want to judge people any longer. I want to live extending the mercy that God gave to me.

"I love you"

About a week ago, one of my little patients was getting ready for bed. Her mom had stepped out of the room and I was sitting with her trying to help her fall asleep. I leaned over to her to hold her hand and wish her a good night and she pulled me close, kissed me on the cheek and said "I love you."

This sweet little girl has been part of my thoughts and prayers for the last two weeks and I've watched her heal and struggle with sickness, developed relationships with her family, and been able to visit her.

But not only has this sweet patient, made me think about her. But she has inspired me and challenged me to learn to love ALL of my patients better. 

This little girl was cute- she was a princess. She was easy to love.

But each one of my patients deserves love. Even though they may be harder to love.

My close girl friends and I all tell each other I love you when we're done with conversation. I don't know how this happened because I'm not a clingy or overly affirming person. I don't know which friend started inspiring me but one of my friends continuously gives encouragement and says how much she loves me. It somehow started a pattern.

And once it got started, it was easy to sustain. Because we all want to be loved. We all struggle with the desire to feel love and worth and seen- especially as women. So as friends (as girls) we affirm each other. We lift each other up intentionally. And I think on a rough day, knowing that you are loved and supported is so valuable.

So often we put each other down, and we criticize each other. But we are often slow to give compliments, slow to affirm, because what if our love was misunderstood? What if we were judged wrongly? 

We are so afraid of loving the wrong person or loving someone who doesn't love us back. But so often this fear keeps us from diving deep into real and personable relationships. How can we love like Jesus if we are so afraid?

"I love you" means I choose to love you like Christ loves me and like the child of God you are.

 It's easy to say, but it doesn't have to be cheap. It can be powerful and effective.

And maybe if we said "I love you more" maybe people could start to understand that they are loved. That Jesus is crazily in love with them.

Why I Don't Want To Go Into the Mission Field Right Now

I want to go in the mission field. I really do. I want to work at an orphanage. It's been something I've dreamed of since I was little. I want to take care of kids that don't have supportive families, are poor, or malnourished. I want to be their mom.

And my experiences in the mission field were so deep- so full of life and love and passion. I loved working in Peru with AMOR Projects and I've loved every short term trip I've been on- for medical, evangelism, teaching, even construction. They are adventures- they're fun. I found Jesus closer than I ever had there, serving others.

And if you asked me when I came back if I was ready to go back out- I would have shouted yes. I would have signed up for any and every possible trip just to explore, just to do more, just for fun. I wanted to go back out to Africa or India; I wanted to dive deeper in the Spanish language. I wanted to do it all and I felt ready.

But as I went to college for nursing, I realized how much learning I had left. How much I didn't know about life, and hard work, and service. How shallow my relationship with God really was. How much "adulting" I had left to do.

And as I struggled to fall back into the daily routines of life in the states, I realized God can use me here too. God can use me here in the states as a missionary. God wants to prepare me here in the states to be an overseas missionary someday. But God wants to use me now to draw closer to Him, to serve Him here.

As I've started working in the children's hospital, I've realized there are so many deep needs around me. So many places where Jesus' comfort needs to go. And I feel there are so many opportunities to love others. I'm grateful for the opportunity to have a safe place to grow in my relationship with God and help others by serving them and learning how to medically take care of kids at the same time.

Sometimes it's easy to sign up for mission trips and just go, without doing the preparation work. It's easy to give when it's self-gratifying, but it's harder to invest time and energy into developing a character that is sustainable for short term missions. And really just preparing yourself to be spiritually and emotionally mature so that you can serve- unselfishly- in a way that really will benefit other people and cultures.

If God is calling you to go into the mission field right now, I encourage you to step out in faith and go. He will use you. He will prepare you and He will equip you.

But if you are at home, wanting to go out, I encourage you to look around you and find out what God is asking you to do right now. I really believe He wants to use us where we are- and that so often it's the smallest things that make the biggest difference.

On Measuring Up

Lately I've been looking for the handbook.
The manual with pictures and step by step instructions on how to be a Christian nurse.
How to take care of patients when you are tired. How to smile when cleaning up poop. How to laugh off a parent yelling at you because you took long to bring them their baby formula- because you were "just saving lives".

Lately I've been looking at the picture books.
Of my mom and dad and brother.
And wondering how to be a better daughter.
How to honor my parents and love them.
How to treasure their kindness.
How to be a sister that loves like Jesus.

I've been reading "Daughters of God"
And writing out the checklist of what a good Christian girl looks like.
The ways she helps others, and the way she dresses
And the food she makes and way she cleans everything up perfectly

But the more I read the 10 commandments..
The Proverbs 31 list. The Fruits of the spirit, the Ellen White guidelines for Christian like living..

The more I realize
I am not making the cut. I am not measuring up.
My efforts are like filthy rags. And guilt fills up my heart because I feel so unworthy and so not good enough.

And if you've ever felt this way before- you understand how much guilt can drag you down.
How much you can strive to be better and yet never seem to get it.

But friends, this is the good news, this is the Gospel, this is the miracle that changes everything
Right here in my mess is where Jesus shows up

Jesus died on the cross for my sins on the darkest day. His death covers my shame, my shortcomings, my fears of imperfection.

Jesus tells me You don't have to overcome sin on your own. You don't have to carry your burdens alone. Give them to me. I'll carry them for you.

Friends, we will never overcome our sins using our own strength.
We will never obtain righteousness by going through the checklist, by striving harder.
God never asked us to fight the battle against evil on our own.

He wants to give us strength to fight our daily battles.
He wants to take our burdens and carry them so that we can find new joy each day.

If you've ever felt discouraged, feeling like you are not good enough. I encourage you to re-surrender your life to God and to realize how much He loves you. He loves you right now- just the way you are. And He is not just loving you to bind rules on top of you. He loves you enough to set you free.

Free from your selfishness.
Free from your laziness.
Free from your lack of trust.

He offers us strength each day and the power to overcome evil if we will trust Him. If we will pray to Him, spend time in His name, and walk in the paths of light we shall overcome by the power of His name.

What If

I have two maps in my room of the world and one of them has a few articles from Adventist Frontier posted to it and in big words it says "What If". It's an article from a current missionary family where a man writes about the ways God has led him in the past and questions "What if he had followed his own desires instead of the will of God?"

This morning, I'm focusing on Phillipians 4:6-7 which says to Be anxious for nothing- but to let God fill our hearts full of his peace. EGW writes that "Many who profess to be Christ's followers have an anxious, troubled heart because they are afraid to trust themselves with God. They do not make a complete surrender to Him, for they shrink from the consequences that such a surrender may involve. Unless they do make this surrender they cannot find peace...Their character becomes marred by the world's perplexities.. and the continual worry is wearing out the life forces."

And she continues "Our heavenly Father has a thousand ways to provide for us of which we know nothing." (Help in Daily Living).

What if I trusted God with every aspect of my life?

What if knowing that God has good plans for me, took away every doubt, feeling of despair, anxiousness, and anxiety?

What if I truly believed that God was the only thing I needed?

What if God has different plans for me than the ones I see in my head? What if my dreams aren't Christ's dreams? What if I don't see my life the way God does?

As I look back in my testimony, there's so many times where the things that happened in my life are things I never would have predicted happening. There's people I never would have imagined becoming friends with that became some of my bestest friends. There's stories that never should have happened, places I never should have gotten to go, things I wish I'd never learned, and yet ways I've changed that I never would have imagined. And as I look at the past, I know that God is faithful. I know that His ways are better than mine.

And yet that doesn't change the fact that today- I still struggle to trust Him. That there are some things that I still have to wrestle with God back and forth for. That I pray surrender but that my mind fights control over.  This isn't one of those days where I'm writing because of what I know. I'm writing because I have this hope.

That God is the God of my What If's.

That God is the God of the unknown in my life.

That God can take care of my doubtful heart.

That God can help me surrender the areas of my life that are difficult.

Friends, every day that I find Him I realize how much more I need Him. I realize that my faith is so small, and yet He says that with tiny faith of a mustard seed, He can move the biggest mountains.

I pray that you like me, find that your What ifs are smaller than God's plans to guide you and lead you and be your God. That we would find peace knowing that living a life of surrender is truly the most blessed and joyful life we could ever experience.

That God would be your hope and comfort and calm of your fears and that you would have peace in knowing He has good plans for you. He has good plans for us.

That "One Thing"

I don't know what that one thing in your life is that you want super badly.
I don't know what distracts you from focusing on God- because you can't stop thinking what your life would be like if you had it
To whatever you think you couldn't live without...

Maybe it's a brand new job. Because if the job you have didn't take so much energy and you could do what you always dreamed of doing-- everything would be great. Life would have so much more meaning.

Maybe it's a relationship. Because if you're single and lonely, dating someone and marriage could create passion and romance and support. It would make everything different; you would have a best friend.

Maybe it's money because if you had it, your house could look awesome, immaculate, super clean. Or you could have a new jet boat. You could stop worrying about paying off debt and pills- truly be carefree to travel and vacation.

Whatever that one thing is for you, you have to give it up.

And I hate that so much both for you and for me. Because I want it too.

But the thing is friends, whatever that "one thing" is. It's not worth it. It's not worth losing your salvation over because you can't control your thoughts and you're making it an idol. It's not worth losing sleep and worrying and dreaming because when you have it, it won't make your life perfect. It's not worth fighting God over. It's not worth doubting His promises of faithfulness.

I feel like so often I hear in church, I hear "pray about it and God will give it to you". Ask God for it and He will fulfill the desires of your heart. People make it sound like God is Santa Clause and like following Jesus is living in Magic Kingdom, fantasy land.

And that's a lie. It's not fair. It's not what Jesus promises us. Not right now anyways. God does not promise Christians an "American dream", shallow and happy kind of life- but He does promise us an eternal inheritance.

1 Peter 1:3-4 "Praise God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ through the dead and into an inheritance that will never perish, spoil, or fade- and this inheritance is kept for you in heaven."

"For our light and momentary troubles, are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

It's not that God doesn't want to bless us because I truly believe He does.
But how can he bless us if we are so worldly minded? How can He bless us if we can't surrender that one thing and it would become an idol for us?

I don't know about you, but there are times when I struggle so much with surrendering my earthly desires to Jesus. There are times, when I have to pray over and over again- to give Jesus control over my mind just so it won't wonder about things I want.

But it's important that daily I surrender any thing I want to Christ.
It's important that at the beginning of the day and at the end, that my heart and my mind knows, that Jesus is enough for me.
And that if I am poor and ugly and single and have to work a terrible job-- but I have the blessing of Jesus being my best friend-- I would still have great reason to live.

Friends, sometimes the pretty things in life clash with the things Jesus wants for me.
And sometimes even things that I believe are intrinsically good can become extrinsically bad when they compete with having the mind and focus of Christ.

In a world full of distractions, it's so important that we meet Jesus every day- that we fill up on His love and mercy and great plans for us. So that when Satan throws distractions and shiny images, and pinterest boards full of fun and fancy promises, in our faces.. we would know that we don't need those things.

Because our "one things" that we want don't compare to the Jesus we already have.

May we have full contentness in knowing Christ and may our hearts be full of His love and purpose for us each day.