I want it all

I want it all and I want it to be good. Picture perfect and polished; I want my life to look shiny and maybe even- the best. Not just my home, but my car, my job, my school work, and my relationships. I want everything.. right now. And I want God of course, I want Him to reign in my life, but I want it to be one of those beautiful pictures...

I strive, I make to-do lists, and I run around.. I do good things. I study. I work. I accomplish. I read a chapter from my Bible and pray on the go. I am kind and loving to my friends and I smile when I pass people I don't know. I take three steps forward and two steps back.

And at the end of the day I ask myself Why?
I read Ecclesiastes and I wonder Why?
God reminds me of my time in the mission field and I wonder Why?
Why Brooke do you strive so hard? Why Brooke do you seek the approval of others? Why Brooke do you try to be successful in this world? Why Brooke do you value money that fades so quickly?

I listen to the song by Brian Johnson "Have it all" where he sings that God can have everything in His life. And I echo His prayer. I dream of days going back to the mission field and living simplistically- surviving on only a few dollars. It seems so much easier there- to give God everything- when you have nothing.

But here and now I struggle.. I want, want, want. I strive, strive, strive.
And the only answer I find- when I finally slow down
Is in the arms of Jesus.

Daughter, let me hold you.
Daughter, let me hold your hand. Slow down and walk with me.
Daughter, let me restore your joy. Let me teach you how to dance again.
Daughter, do not worry. You don't have to get all A's or have the picture perfect house. I will fill your life with purpose.
Daughter, I forgive you. Be free and love without limits.
Daughter, I heal your wounds. Live boldly and unafraid.
Daughter, let me tell you show you what it means to fall in love- let me love you.

Sometimes I feel like a fish out of water- struggling in the hands of a loving Savior. I fight His plans for me although I know they are for my good. I fight, squirm, and move because I don't want to wait. I make my own plans since His take too long. I try to perform...

But He finds me- he always finds me. When I'm tired and finally slow down, He gently picks me up into His arms. He sings over me and quiets my soul and tells me "Oh how I love you. You are mine."

You are His. You are God's. No matter where you've been, what you've been doing, where you've been hiding. He's seeking you. He's waiting for you. He wants to hold you and love you. Daughter- run to Him. Be satisfied.