What I Really Need

Often we Americans get a little confused. “I need more toilet paper. I need a new phone. I need to go shopping for a pair of shoes to go with my new dress.” We think we need so much. Why do we feel so entitled?

We are so used to have everything provided for us, pre-packaged and right at our doorstep. We don't wait in lines, we HATE being put on hold on telephones, and if fast food takes longer than ten minutes we will probably have a heart attack. We expect to live a high quality lifestyle- good food at restaurants, education, friendly and safe community, and of course free health insurance. But until these things are stripped away from us we don't realize how good we actually have it and how unfair our expectations really are compared to the rest of the world.

The more time I have spent in foreign countries as a missionary, the more I disdain my selfish self and the typical “American-dream” lifestyle. Just like many other Americans, before I traveled to Peru to live, I thought I deserved a lot. I thought that because I was a good kid, got good grades in college, and had a nice family- I deserved to be loved, protected, win scholarships, receive the best education, and of course to have clean water. I mean come on, every family or even homeless person in America, has access to clean water a.k.a. water fountains.

Then I arrived in Peru where children play in trash, people wait 4 hours in the rain for free medical help, and families of nine live in a house the size of my bedroom. It slowly hit me that life isn't fair and nobody owes me anything.

I don't believe that any race, class, or social status deserves to be treated better than another. I disdain the fact that the country of birth often determines the quality of life of a person. And even more so, I find it ridiculous that while millions are dying in America due to obesity, innocent babies and children are suffering of starvation in India and Africa every day. Life isn't fair.

As I spent eight months in Peru living alongside children and families in poverty, I learned a few things about what I need and don't need. I don't need to eat at Olive Garden, to spend $8 on the newest movie, or to buy the newest iphone. I don't need to spend money without thinking. I don't need to be selfish and look out for myself.

I do need to follow God's commandments to love the unlovable, reach the unreachable, and sacrifice my belongings for the well-being of another person. I do need to give to the needy, the homeless, the abused, the orphan, and the widow. I do need to listen to God's direction in my life and follow where He leads me.

Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in his glory by Christ Jesus.

Your Moment

I've read stories of teens who went on mission trips and when David, or Annie, or little Sophia ran into their arms hands in the air, fully trusting,  their heart broke. And that one motion is the thing that led them to a changed life.

I don't think it's a joke, cliche, or an exaggeration. I think it's a miracle. That in one moment, a child- with eyes and hands wide open, an innocent and utmost struggle and plea for help, for love, for attention- that someone's heart might come to life and realize this is their moment to shine.

This is their opportunity to say Yes, I see a need and will do something about it. Yes, I care enough about this child not to simply hold them but to investigate in their future and advocate for their wellbeing. Yes, poverty and sex trafficking and child abuse and orphans are real and yes I have been blessed so that I may give to others.

And sometimes I wonder in amazement at the child's faith in God to respond to His calling: my child be brave, lift up your arms one more time, give up a cry one more time. I wonder how many times these children have been denied the right to be held- because they don't have someone who loves them- or the loved don't have enough time.

I've visited an orphanage in Peru where I was asked not to pick up a child. This child was special. He was always wanting to be held. He was always doing the wrong thing, in the wrong place, acting completely ridiculous- but he did it all to get attention. You see this child needed love. But he was denied it countless times... And I marvel at the courage of this child as day and day pass, and his orphan mom spanks him for disobedience.. to still lift up his hands and cry.

Pick me. Hold me. Love me. Choose me.
I'm real. I'm alive and I'm in need.
Will this be your moment?
Can I be your moment to shine?

The Never Ending Summer

8 week camp marathon- let's go. I just finished my eighth week of summer camp at Wewoka Woods and loved it. Yes camp has it's good and bads and being Admin definitely puts a new spin on the camp scene. Nevertheless, I love summer camp. It's powerful,effective, and fun. If you've never been I hope you check it out and consider volunteering or working one summer.

Disney world style- until you go to camp and experience it, you will never understand. Camp is a place out of this world, where you can be a kid again, you jump around every night singing songs, sport your craziest tie dye shirt and basketball shorts, stay up late watching pg movies and eating popcorn with campers, and do the weirdest things in skits. Camp is a place where you unplug from technology and see people for the way they truly are. You work hard and play hard- all day long- every day until you are utterly exhausted. And you make the bestest friends EVER!

I work at Wewoka Woods Adventist Center- of the smallest camps in America, located in farm-ville Oklahoma. It's an amazing place for me- this camp has changed my life in so many ways.

I work at the place where I decided to truly live for God when I was only seven years old. I work at the camp I've spent 8 summers being the excited camper and 5 years being a driven staff. I work at a camp where I have seen Jesus countless times in relationships, experiences, and campfires. I love my job and the ministry that it has for many children around the nation.

I believe in summer camp because I believe in kids getting an opportunity to hear about God and be loved no matter what their background. Summer camp is a place where kids can be themselves- taken away from their struggles at home or in school- kids can see God with new eyes.

I want to share with you 10 crazy fun things that happened to me this summer at camp:

1. I learned how to tie dye like a pro ;) hahaha I'm pretty proud
2. I learned how to hula hoop and do special tricks.
3. I fell in love with my princess named Ruth Anne most precious girl ever.
4. I LOVED counseling with Dani Cantu and we totally rocked out the Fireflies with slumber parties, movie nights, and late night testimony time the lake.
5. I learned how to be a spiritual leader.
6. I planned and produced my own Friday night skit and it actually turned out pretty cool. I even got to act in it and see how it really impacted the campers.
7. I washed about 40 campers feet and got my feet washed by one of them.
8. I learned that I don't hate special ed children at all but just need to work on my patience.
9. I lost 10 lbs (hip hip hooray).
10. I got to teach a mission class!!! And I had so many cute little kids telling me about how they wanted to be a missionary! It just made my heart so happy!

Confessions of a Missionary

"Some days I hate my life.
Africa life is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Sometimes I don’t want to hop out of bed and embrace the day.
The language barrier is freaking hard.
Being hit on by grown men just because I’m white gets obnoxious.
Bucket showers get old.

Walking miles and miles to get to a house that doesn’t even want to hear the name of Jesus is exhausting.
Washing all my clothes by hand makes me want to get on the first plane back to America and push “start” on my washing machine.
Putting on a skirt every single morning makes me miss my skinnies and converse.
Getting internet once a week at a cafe makes me miss constant wifi.
Carbs for every meal makes me want a huge fresh salad from Jason’s deli.
Sitting through 4 hour church services not having a clue what’s going on makes me want to get back home and go to a service that is no longer than 1 hour.
Throwing up outback because my stomach can’t handle it makes me want to curl in a cozy bed at home.
Seeing people dying of AIDS on a daily basis makes me weep.
Picking up infants on the side of the road makes me want to pack them all up on a plane and rescue them from this god forsaken place.
The teenage girl with a baby strapped to her back from the random man who seduced her for a night makes a righteous anger rise within me.
Hearing lies from the king saying that if you have sex with a virgin your AIDS will go away makes me want to scream from rooftops.
I find myself wanting to hop back on a plane just so I won’t have to see all of this…
I easily want to forget the crazy life He has called me to.
Being a “Missionary” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
It’s easy to think that some people were created from birth to be called overseas…
Hell no.
There is no such thing as a cookie cutter missionary.
Missionary life (whatever that even means) is freaking hard.
Exhausting.
Borderline insane.
I could go on and on.
It’s easy to sit at the local Starbucks and read “Radical” and want to do something…
but once you get to wherever that may be…
It’s freaking hard.
Part of me wishes someone else would’ve been called to such a life.
Part of me wishes I could live the typical American dream and be satisfied with it.
But, it’s not true.
That’s not for me.
This is the life I’m called to.
It’s freaking hard…
but so worth it.
Every single day I have to choose to forget my flesh and listen to my spirit.
My flesh says I’m an idiot for choosing such a life.
My spirit says I’ve never been so alive.
Because of this,
I submit my flesh to the Lord.
I beg Him to tame me…
Give me strength when I see death everywhere I look.
Give me JOY as I walk for hours and wash my clothes in a bucket.
Give me patience when people don’t want to hear the name of Jesus.
Give me grace when all I want to do is get angry.
Give me love for the snot nosed babies.
Give me peace when I weep myself to sleep for such a broken country.
Give me wisdom when I have no idea what to do.
Give me your love for this place when I just want to run away.
He is eager to answer my prayers…
He’s already answered a ton of them.
Clearly the missionary life isn’t pretty…
But it’s so worth it.
He calls the hot messes…
the broken.
He doesn’t need saints to change the world…
Just willing spirits.
Sometimes those willing spirits have to be whipped into shape…
but he’s got it covered.
Even when I don’t feel it,  He is good and uses me." - http://themisfitmissionary.com/2013/07/11/confessions-of-a-missionary/
*This piece is definitely not written by me, but I LOVE and identify with so much of this.

I love missions

I miss Peru
I miss peru
I miss Peru
I miss being a missionary.
I miss serving.
I miss sacrificing to tell others about God.
I miss cold showers.
I miss the kids- beautiful children who kiss your cheek and drive you crazy begging you to play with them all the time.
I miss Peru.

I've adjusted- yes kinda- but there's this feeling in my heart that I can't explain. I just want to be a missionary again. I want to serve again. I am not content in America.

I'm not for sure exactly where God's calling me or leading me.
The "hot question" is what's your major? What do you want to do with your life?
And honestly I don't know.
I want to be a missionary. I want to help children in orphanages and hospitals.
I am getting a bachelors degree in health science.

No I don't know how I will get the money.
No I don't know every perfect class best suited for my major.
No I don't know what job I will do right out of college.

I have this crazy longing- crazy dreams- of traveling the world! I want to go to Uganda and work with the orphans there. I want to travel to India! I want to go back to Peru.

Most importantly though, I want to follow God.
Wherever he wants me, that's where I want to go.

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People

Have you ever experienced that life shattering, mind blowing experience where you realize this is real. This is really happening to me. Bad things can happen to me- really bad things. And my Jesus bubble is not going to get me out of every rough circumstance.

I've lived a very happy Christian princess American dream type lifestyle: great family, great friends, good opportunities. Sometimes it's easy to think that because I'm following God this is like a reward or something. Like if anything bad happens, all I have to do is pray to God and He will fix it. But life isn't like that... Life is unfair, terribly wicked, and unjust. Just look around at all the starvation, innocent babies dying, and messed up families. Still don't believe bad things happen to good people?

-What about that pure and faithful couple that pray and cry and sob to Jesus every morning that there child who is mentally challenged and needs cognitive and oral corrective surgeries could experience a normal life? And day and night pass- and the boy is the same- fighting his way for life in and out of a hospital.

What about that boy who lives across the world in Asia and wants to follow Jesus and be a teacher, but gets beaten every single day for standing up for God. What about him?

And what about my mom who I convince to volunteer at a Christian summer camp because she is amazing with kids and then she gets hurt? What about that? Like why God did she have to get hurt playing capture the flag when she was helping others, she was making a difference in young girls' lives. She did make a difference- her two special children she worked for chose to get baptized. So why God are you punishing her? Or why does it seem that way?

Job is so smart he says "Can we only expect good gifts from God and not bad?" Why do we instinctually blame God for all the bad things. Like it has to be God's fault right- cuz there's no sin or anything in the world that could be the problem/

Despite what some pastors and churches may teach, following Jesus doesn't win you a carefree lifestyle. In fact, Jesus promises us that in this world we will have trials and tribulations. It's normal- this life is messed up, sin filled!

We must not try to make the present into a heavenly earth. It's not supposed to be. No our thoughts aren't supposed to be here in the present (in the worries, stresses, pain, temporary gains, or material objects). We are supposed to be homesick for heaven- our true home.

It's so hard when bad things happen to good people, but this world is not our home. These earthly, weary bodies are not ours to keep- they are the Lords. Our materials and possessions are literally meaningless here. We have the hope of a better day, a perfect day, and God's beautiful Creation. And bad things won't happen anymore.

Following blindly- Career thoughts

If faith is believing without seeing than I believe I am exercising my faith right now.
Lately God has been whispering to me about my future..
You see college is one of those tight, pressing times when the question of the day: million dollar hot spot is "What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to be when your older?"
And I used to think just like everybody else that to decide I needed to look at the list of typical jobs making descent money (doctor, nurse, teacher, police man, lawyer, yata yata- make my selection and choose.) But lately I'm being led in a different direction.

I don't want to be a doctor, nor a nurse, and lately I'm not even thinking I want to be a physical therapist.
I do want to help others stay healthy.
I do want to help kids who are terminably sick or who are suffering from hunger or different diseases around the world.
I do want to follow God wherever He leads me and possibly me a missionary.

But I don't know where I'm going. I don't know exactly what I'm doing. I know I want to get a health science degree. I want to wait on God and be willing to follow Him and work for Him even if it is something untraditional.