Sunday, May 17, 2015

Mary the adulterer

I know you’ve heard about me. I’m the wild girl. The girl that takes things too far. The girl that always is with a different guy. I hear you calling me slut behind my back. You think I’m dirty. You think I’m so dirty that I deserve to die. And you are ready to cast the first stone just like my accusers wanted to do so long ago. You want to judge me- even now- I know, you say look at her dress. It’s way too short. Look at her tattoos. She has a history. Look at her makeup- she wears way too much. She can’t be like us- she won’t ever be a follower of Christ- she won’t ever be good enough.

You see these cuts on my arms? You see these bruises? You don’t know the nightmares I have gone through and the men that have hurt me. You don’t know the loneliness I feel. Sometimes I want to kill myself because I feel so ashamed. You judge me but you only see one side of my story. You just don’t understand.

I am a girl that has been hurt and wounded. I am broken inside but I want to tell you about the man who healed me- who touched my scars, who wasn’t afraid of my dirtiness. I want to tell you that there is a Savior that loved me. Because He loved me I know He loves you too. Because He changed my life, I know He can change yours.

This man was there when all my friends had left me, when my boyfriend had left me, my parents had given up on me, when I had no one there at all. He was there when people began to hate on me, calling me names they hurt me again. They threw me to the ground and shouted out my sins to everyone- the guys I had done far too many things with- they read my faults like poetry.

Shudder* I remember how afraid I was, all alone, but most importantly I remember thinking that Yes I deserved to die. I was dirty. I was sinful and nobody would ever love me. I felt the people around me’s hartred and I heard them grabbing stones- and my heart stopped…

All of a sudden I heard a voice of a man, not yelling like many of my past husbands nor the persecutors, not whispering or whimpering like a child. I heard a firm voice…

Before I knew it I sat before Jesus- the man many had talked about- the famous one everyone had wanted to go see. I looked at the ground my eyes dark and full of tears. I couldn’t bear to look into His eyes. I felt so ashamed.

He tilted my head upwards and dried my tears. He began to take his finger and stroke my cuts. He saw my wounds. He saw every part about me many had tried to ignore. I felt that he knew everything and yet He spoke to me in gentle loving words “….Go and sin no more”.

Jesus set me free.

After that it wasn’t easy. No people still didn’t like me. I was still a dirty outcast to many of them. I still had wounds but I didn’t feel so lonely anymore. I felt something new, something pure, something beautiful, and something captivating.

Freedom- from my guilt, from my shame, from the judging eyes, from everyone else in this world. I am covered by the blood of my Savior.

*Sorry- not striving for Biblical accuracy.

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