Thursday, March 19, 2015

No turning back

I want to be blunt with you. This past year of college has probably been the hardest ever with my relationship with Christ.

I went from serving God and praising Him, relying on Him for everything in Peru to questioning why it felt like he had abandoned me and wondering if I truly had a real walk with Him. Coming back to America after the mission field was so hard. In one way, I felt like I had truly fell in love with service and knew where Christ was calling me: around the world somewhere serving His kids. Yet for some reason He called me back to the states and told me to wait and to serve Him in college. I was expected to be a spiritual leader in my university and summer camp even though my own walk with God was shaky. I tried to be there for other people and support their needs, but I just always felt like I was never enough (not just for them, but for myself).

There were so many days when I felt so alone and wondered why I didn't feel God's presence or spirit in my life. Instead the stress of school, changing a new major, and creating a new identity for myself fell into my own hands. Now I gotta tell you, God never left me and He has continued blessing me throughout the entire year and breaking my heart to remake it- but it has been so HARD. Some days I wonder.. Am I really good enough to be a leader for Christ? Maybe I should give up on my faith. Maybe I can't do this- too much pressure...

I want to encourage you that when you feel discouraged in your faith, God has not abandoned you. In fact He promises to continue working in you and never to forsake you....Because he has not abandoned you and because He continues to love you with an everlasting love beyond compare,
Don't give up on Him. Don't turn back on your relationship with God. Stay strong in the faith. Battle against your enemy the devil. Put your hope in Christ again! 

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

I'm not turning back. I want to serve God all my life no matter what the consequences.
I pray you sing this song with your heart to the Lord in hard times as well as glorious times.



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