Tuesday, September 30, 2014

What People don't tell you about missions

I'm crying because I'm struggling
struggling to focus
struggling to think
when my tutor points to the problem
that has the answers hidden
I just can't find it
and I'm embarassed
and I'm trying
but I just can't focus

And every class
stresses me out
overwhelming me with homework
and exams
I want to do good
but how is it I'm supposed to learn
to memorize all of this
and still keep a good relationship with God
and have friends too?
There are just so many things
I have to do

And I just don't want to be in school
But I want to do what God is calling me
But every day is so hard- a feat like the size of a cruise ship
And I'm like nobody told me it would be this hard to come back...

Nobody warned me that I would need counseling when I got back from missions
Because the things I saw and experienced would terrorize my heart and mind
And question my entire identity, family, and everything I've ever known
Nobody warned me about how my heart would be ripped apart
When I had to leave my sm family and Peruvians I loved
Nobody told me that my own culture wouldn't be so homey anymore

No I don't regret my experience in missions.
Because it changed my life for good.
God changed my life through a year of service- just like He's changing us every day if we let Him
I just wish someone would have warned me... that coming back from missions really is that hard. That it will probably mess up your family life, your friend life, your personal life, your health, and it will mess up your school. Beautiful messes for Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you! -Elizabeth, SM in the Marshall Islands 2014-2015