This week has been a really hard week for me. I've kinda just been readjusting into the college lifestyle and I've experienced like many mental breakdowns and just times of confusion. To be honest I wasn't expecting to have so many problems with this. I mean I've been back in the states for three months now so why is it all just hitting me? The thing is I was so blessed, because I came back from Peru to work as spiritual director and counselor at my favorite summer camp. So I was literally doing ministry all day long. I was busy and it was amazing. That ministry really helped to distract me from missing Peru and the work we were doing there for the people.
Now I come back to college lifestyle- and the attitude is different. The social life is just so hard for me because to be honest, even though I'm at an amazing Christian university, I don't feel understood by some of my friends. My experience in missions has given me such a different perspective of the world. While I'm in classes like chemistry, drugs and society, Microsoft excel I'm constantly thinking: how is this going to help me with what I want to do? How could this help me in missions or run an orphanage or work for a nonprofit?
Another thing is my focus for studies is really lacking. My values and priorities have changed drastically. I'm trying to focus on God and school and service but I definitely am struggling with putting the time in the books that I need too to get a good grade. It just doesn't mean much to me honestly- an A- like that's great, but who cares. And I know that perspective is terrible because I am getting an education- that many people in the world only dream about having. I just need to rely on God to restore my focus so that I can spend time in the books and try to work harder for my classes.
I know I am so blessed by God and so fortunate to be able to attend such an amazing Adventist University. It just really is a struggle!
Some of the things that really help me though are some of my friends. Some of them are really encouraging and understanding and listen to me talk about Peru. I could talk for hours about Peru- seriously. And I know they probably don't really want to hear that- but they are really kind. My Peru family also gets me through when I have a really bad day! I love seeing the ones that are here and talking to them and realizing we are all going through the same thing is really amazing.
I miss my Peru family so much and the intimacy we shared. We literally lived in one tiny house and did EVERYTHING together for eight months. We created a bond so much stronger than I can explain. We were bonded by Christ and truly are brothers and sisters in Him. I'm just so thankful for my SM experience in Peru and my year there and it was honestly the best year of my life =)