Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Princess

I said I'd write from the heart: *guys please don't read this post
I have to be a princess for Gym Masters Homeshow.
When Coach asked me yesterday, I was like ummm sure. I didn't understand why he would pick me. Out of every girl on the team I feel like I should be picked last for that role. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but princess was never my strong suit.

Colossians 1:15  He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.

Romans 8:15 For you did not receive a spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, Abba Father.

Romans 8:16-17 "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.

The cliché saying is you are a daughter of Christ- a princess.

When coach told me I would be a princess for homeshow, yesterday, at first I didn't understand why. After he justified his reasoning saying that I was the only girl not in the games routine, I was just confused and at shock. A little happy maybe, a little excited maybe, and a little embarrassed.
Starting at camp last summer I've been fighting with the whole "captivating" woman of God aspect, and "embracing my feminity". Ok actually let's just stop with the captivating part, we're definitely not to the feminity stuff yet ;)
This whole princess thing really speaks to my heart and some of the things I've been struggling with.

Because deep down inside, I don't feel like I'm good at being a girl. I don't feel like I'm really pretty or graceful or glamorous haha ok definitely not glamorous. But I have a really hard time with letting guys be the leader and letting them help me and see my heart. It's a lot of trust issues. Some of it comes from how I was treated when I was younger. I didn't mind actually just being the tomboyish girl that nobody considered dating. I loved my childhood, playing in the mud, and fighting with my brother.
But now I'm actually maturing and I'm realizing that I want to be captivating. I want to be taken care of, treasured, wanted, loved: those "gross" things and "romantic" things are starting to look more appealing. But it's hard to make that transition because playing tough is so part of what I am. I love being wild and free, and playing hardcore. I just want guys to see that deep down, despite the fact that I play hard, I'm still a sensitive girl who needs to be loved and taken care of.
Haha I hate these confessions! I sound like such a.. girl ;)
Anyways, God created me as a woman. Despite my constant complaints, honestly I'm really glad. The heart of a woman desires three things : to be romanced, to play a role in a great adventure, and to have beauty to unveil. I guess I can say God is truly working in me because He's helping me mature and see that these are God-given needs and realities in my life.
It's not easy to step out in faith and say "I am a princess in Christ." I know that almost every girl on this earth has issues and many girls are self-conscious about their physical appearance or personality, despite how much they try to play it off. America's celebrities and models don't make it any easier on us to feel we have to compete with others to be beautiful. It's scary when you take that step and choose to put your confidence in Christ and say that because your identity is in Him, you are a princess. You are the daughter of the King, worth treating well and taken care of. It's scary but it is a reality and a necessary step in following God in faith. He is working to heal our broken hearts that have wounds from the past and the lies we have been told.

Romans 8:15 For you did not receive a spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, Abba Father. Ask God for the strength to believe in yourself. To believe that you are worthy of being called His child, worthy of being called beautiful, and worthy of being loved.

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