Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Hiding

Tonight I hid. I sat behind the teeter totter in the storage room at Gym Masters gazing at the clock. I watched the second hand tick around about 3 times. I had negative thoughts. Why am I on this team? Why can't I be good at gymnastics? Or why can't I even try? I felt bad hiding but it was easier than trying. Nobody expected me to try anyways.
Hiding may be seem easiest if you are a shy or insecure person, like me sometimes. I remember hiding in the 9th grade quite frequently. I was the new kid at school and didn't have many friends. I would sit on the bathroom toilet with my phone in my hand and wait until recess was over. If a person came in, I would pick my feet up really quick so they wouldn't see me.
Honestly, it's really embarrassing to write this, but I promised that I would be honest on this blog to you and myself. I feel ashamed that I resorted to hiding that way. Because I promise you, if you knew me in the 9th grade you would never guess that I was that girl that hid in the bathroom. You see, sure I was shy but I definitely had things going for me. I was smart, All A girl, athletic, basketball team captain, and SA chaplain. The crazy thing is although I felt like I didn't have friends, I did. I had Kara Banks as my friend and two other girls Natalie and Honey. So why didn't I hang with them? I did sometimes, but sometimes when I felt left out or unwanted, I hid.
Why do I choose to hide and what do I choose to hide? Maybe you aren't like me at all. Maybe you have always been confident or bold and never literally hid because you felt insecure. But no matter what I'm sure everyone has hid something from someone before. Maybe you hide your sins from God or from other people, your insecurities, your doubts, your true thoughts, your emotions, your weaknesses, your love, or even your appreciation.
The first thing you can do to stop hiding things is to realize that you are hiding and have the desire to stop. After you realize what you are hiding, you need to pray about it. You need to ask GOD to give you the courage to STOP HIDING.
The reason why I decided to come to Southern was because I wanted to stop hiding. I wanted a new start. The only places I have ever felt 100% secure in my identity is with my family and at summer camp.
It's an everyday challenge for me to be real with people, to talk to them if they don't talk to me first, and to portray my own character instead of going along with what others say. I know that I still fight the desire to hide. But God hasn't given up on me yet. Everyday that I choose Him, He is remaking me into a Bold warrior fighting for His victory.
If you are hiding something from God today, I encourage you to tell Him because news flash: He already knows. If you are hiding something important from the people who love you most, please tell them. Secrets destroy relationships. Be honest, be open, and be real. Christ will give you the strength to move on and stop hiding.

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